143

Ok, today is a better time now, than ever to let you know whats going on in my life in a weird super natural way.

I still have to write my blog about my Kalalau trip and all the supernatural things that took place out there, but this is a post to that in the sense that its all starting to make sense and come together however the 143 thing has been with me my entire life.

The Start…

When I was young child I started to notice that every time I looked at a clock, watch, odometer or anything that had digital time on it, I would almost ALWAYS see it. I was starting to really trip me out and up until last summer none of it made sense so I just took it as a “143 means (I love you) so its just a constant reminder that Im always loved or thought of”… you know, the little things that make the big differences in life.

Well…

I went to Kalalau in the jungle and met a guy who lived in the jungle and he started to blow my mind and explain things to me on a very real foundational simplified level on what people think are just “odd circumstances” and “strange coincidences” and I learned more than ever that nothing in life is a coincidence. Fate is a crazy thing and being able to read and understand signs in your life is a huge advantage in knowing that you are indeed on the right path.

As i started to understand more and more that the things I was putting out into the universe were all happening for me, I started to see more and more of these “signs” if you will that my life was on a path that was aligning with the things that god wanted for me, the universe, and me for me. As i started to eliminate all the things that were holding me back from my path and I started accepting my path and stopped resisting it so much, everything started to unfold in rapid succession as it is even more so today.

All of my other blogs that are coming and will be linked here (Kalalau, Ukraine, Guanaja) will help alot of this make sense but for now. I want to show you something that you cant make up…

I have been writing and traveling to get this new record done and when I set it in stone that I wasnt going to procrastinate anything any longer and just keep moving forward with it I really started to make itself scarily apparent. I would wake up, its 143, i would go to bed its 143, the signs on the road 143, the odometer 143, my phone 143 all just too much.

So…

Im in bed, and 143 pops up on right before im headed to the airport. I land, grab my bags, look down at my phone and it says… 143. I get picked up and start to tell my buddy about this really strange phenomenon happening in my life and he is like “yeah man thats crazy I wonder what it means” Well… We go to bed that night and I wake up the next morning to start tracking and…

 

Woke up to this...

 

 

Then… we start tracking and spend all day knocking out this song and making sure its as rocking as possible. We get offered to go enjoy a dinner at this spanish italian place called Barcelona, which by the way, has THE BEST food ever! When we pulled up, we threw all the quarters we had on us in the meter and…

 

The Meter

 

 

We hang out with this acter named Carmine and he out of nowhere is like “im gonna pay for everything, its all on me, i got a new big film coming out and I wanna take the tab” We were like… wow, this guy is very generous and awesome. So, my buddy at diner starts to tell Carmine “hey man, you need to hear this crazy thing thats happening to Danny… hes got the 143 number popping up everywhere and he cant make sense of it”, so I start to show everyone at the table all this snapshots I took of everytime I see this number sequence. Everyone at the table starts their own theories…”1+4+3=8 and 8 is the infinity sign” and many things of this sort.

The waiter comes up after our AMAZING dinner and hands us our bill and I just hear Carlos gasp and point at the bill and…

 

The Bill

 

 

Everyone at our table is looking at me like “WTF, this is SCARY, like seriously some David Copperfield type ish!” and I am pretty blown away as well. Never in one day have I experienced this many 143’s in succession. Carmines arms are covered in goosebumps and he is like “man this is really crazy, i cant even think straight” and I assure him that I have been dealing with this my whole life and nothing but amazing blessed things have followed even tho my life has been one that also had some really sad and unfortunate things that came as well, much like anyone i think.

We finish up our drinks and everyone walks away mind blown. We had to get back to the house for some finishing touches on the song So we walk in the house, get down into the studio, flip on the monitor and start running the tracks to hear it from the start. As im listening to the track I look down and Oh My God! The track is exactly 143 measures!!!! Look at this below…

Song Track Measures

Lastly… im laying in bed and playing Monopoly on my iPhone and sure enough…

Monopo143

I honestly dont know what the heck is going on… Its really crazy. If you have any thoughts or ideas, or whatever. I would sincerely appreciate it. All I know, is that is HAS to be a good thing because in the last month that this has all been coming in rapid succession I have got 2 offered for reality shows, a major business venture in China, 3 major producers on board to do this new record without a record deal! I dont know whats happening but whatever it is, its really good and as long as I keep seeing it… then life is going right on path!

 

Below are a FEW of the snapshots ive saved…

 

A Few Snapshots...

 

 

 

 

… and don’t forget to BREATHE

the tightening of my chest reminds me im human,
the twisting of my stomach tells me im real,

dont forget to breath my mind says to my lungs assuring me, this too will pass.

a drop of time and an ounce of my heart will scream in this vessel that i call my body.
id slam the doors and bust things but im only good at breaking hearts lately.

chills form on the top of arms reminding me that this is what happens for being who you are,
you could change, but it wouldnt be you, and change may alter the future of who you are to become,

and THAT is what eats at the core at me. What if change was exactly what I needed. What if change brought forth a better person.

However what if change were a temporary visitor only to be put on by me for a short period of time until that visitor was no longer welcome in my body.

Ive never been fake to the sake of being fake. Ive always kept it real because thats who I am. I know ill probably be a lonely man and what is wierd is that feeling does not scare me. I dont live my life needing anything more than what I already have.

I do however live my life wanting the things I dont have. Its such a paradox and Im in a parallel.

I can hear sirens passing by right now and it feels like they couldnt be more dead on to how my heart feels right now. “emergency, emergency” it screams out.

…and just like that, its gone.

…and dont forget to breathe it says. dont forget to breath or youll kill 2 people, not just one.

What my body doesnt realize is that maybe a part of me has died and my heart is in a vegetative state where it pumps and runs through its motions because. Just because.

Noone will ever know me like i know me. Well, thats not true, one person knows me like i know me. I mean, noone on earth, will ever know me like i know me, and please (hold back your “well duh” statements) because im saying this off the cuff and it has a deeper meaning than a surface value sentence. I mean it like… it may be my fault why noone will ever know me like I know me, but even if i was completely honest, i dont think anyone would ever believe me.

I guess im just so complex that a normal human to human love is something i feel i give strongly but when i get into a relationship with a person it changes. Not for the better either. I am built to love every human i come in contact with and i dont mean a physical love. I mean a mental emotional love to where I care about everyone more than myself. I wanna know how you felt when this happened, and i wanna know why you did that and i want to know what it felt like to lose your father and so on and so on. I wanna feel with you and for you. I am working on this because I believe I can completely give all of me to one person, or maybe its about finding the person who can love you, take your love and not ask for more than you can give at any given moment. Just being satisfied with who you both are in every moment you share.

I think it is possible and i think every situation and person is unique.

What Will YOU Leave Behind?

Destiny

This is the follow up to: http://dannycasler.wordpress.com/2009/07/15/let-it-be/ that was written last year…

So, its been awhile since I have updated my blog and I know alot of you read and subscribe to me, which to be honest, is very flattering. I found out alot more people read my blogs than I think I ever imagined. I am really not good with just talking to people about what I am going through or feeling so writing to myself allows me to feel like I am working through it with the intangible and invisible side of me thats listening to me. Does that make sense?

Anyhow…

I am almost home from 8 months straight of touring, almost 2 years of the road on and off and I have never been more excited to start some new chapters in my life. We are all so excited to see our families and loved ones. We have been on the road so hardcore and we almost lost touch of our friendships to one another and the reason we even like making music in the first place. Thats why we are taking a good 4-6 month break from everything. No making music, no touring, no being dudes slaving the roads to see you every night (even tho we do love seeing you all).

We are finally going to be selfish and enjoy OUR OWN lives verses the life that has led us neglecting our friends and families for years on end. The life that has had to hear about family and friends passing or nephews and nieces being born by phone, and the band being the farthest possible from those experiences.

Whats awesome is that you all love us enough to understand we need sometime to be normal dudes. I think the death of Catherine rocked us INCREDIBLY hard. I am still not over it. Which brings me to this blog.

A while back my grandmother, the strongest woman I have ever known was in the hospital, it was one thing after another and then next thing you know, she was dying. I was able to make it out to be by her bedside, but like my grandfather, i refused to be there for the passing. I dont think I can handle watching someone pass directly in front of me. Maybe im too hard on the exterior but just soft enough inside to where that may change me. Maybe I need that? I dont know.

Anyhow, we are leaving Arizona right now and while doing so, we were getting stuck at EVERY SINGLE stop light. Robby is pissed off yelling at the light and Stan is trying to convince Robby that a certain speed allows to make through all the light and Im laughing to myself because both are being ridiculous. We stop at Meeker and Grand and I look up and its the hospital my grandmother passed away at.

As we were stopped Strung Out was playing and these lyrics were blasting through the radio:

I will always be with you
I will always be watching

I dont think I allowed myself to grieve really since she passed. I have been non stop on the go with no time to really express emotion. The only time I cried was the day after she passed away, LUNA had arrived in my mail box. I woke up to it and I sat in my car, and I slid it into the player, turned the volume up, looked at the clock and it said 143. If you have read my other blogs, you know what this represents for me and my life since I was a child.

I started to cry uncontrollably. She helped us buy our first van, and supported us sooooo much, feeding us, housing us, and she died the day before she could even hear it. VERY VERY heartbreaking for me. I feel like being a musician is the most heartbreaking thing anyone can do, if you really, really consumed in your passion. You do experience the incredible heights of things like: Japan, Alaska, Mexico, fans, and all that. However, you sacrifice some of the most incredible moments that are essential to your growth in becoming a man or woman. Things like death, birth, love, marriage, children, all of these things your forced to miss to a large extent or be forced to sacrifice. That is what life is ALL about. Sacrificing.

This is where I have an incredible amount of faith in my spirituality and myself. I am aware that sacrifices were made for me, to be able to have the life I have and be blessed with a future that sometimes, i may not understand. I realize now more than ever that nothing is permanent but more importantly, the things you do now, will impact things later in your life and also that some things you put all your stock into were never intended to be your “money” maker and I dont mean money in the sense of physical money, i mean money, in true happiness and fulfillment.

Some of these things we put so much stock into, are simply stones that will step us up to our true purpose in life. That is where FAITH comes in. This is not only faith in the spiritual, you do not need to be religious or spiritual to have faith in something. Your faith, in whatever you choose to set it in, will be what gets you through the day, the month, the year and eventually your life.

Your faith in yourself is what will guide you to what will YOUR legacy. The story you leave behind so you are not another soul that just existed but rather an icon of living a full life and inspiring others to better and further succeed in their own lives.

Alot of people have lost touch with what it means to be there for someone other then themselves.

I am in the most self centered industries in the world and I have seen it more than anyone that money, fame, fans, power mean nothing. People who buy into this shit are sadly lacking the true meaning of life. In order to truly live, you must be stripped of everything that is of any value to you or you will live an illusion of what is temporarily important.

Money will not solve your problems, it will however help you arrive to them in style.

My broker used to say this to me and he lived and still lives by this. I never found stock in this because my problems will never circle around money, and not because I do or dont have it. Just because I find no value in money. Ironic right.

Fame is fleeting.

This is very true. Your hot one minute, your not the next however if you put your stock in this you will be let down all the time. The only people you need to be famous for are your friends and family. They are the ones who at the end of the day will love you to the ends of the earth when all that has passed. They know who you really are. That is why we dont have fans, we have friends. Our relationship is much more personal than that. Fuck fame anyway, we dont want it.

Lastly, power. This is the biggest illusion of them all. That ONE person actually controls another person via their fame, money or level of success.

No one is more powerful than you are (unless your like me and have a faith in god). If your not, thats legit too, it still applies. You are your own man/woman. You decide your future, your outcome and in result, you will impact other peoples lives, either negatively or positively and how you choose to do that, will be your legacy.

The whole reason behind this blog was to express keeping your eyes open for the special signs in life.

The jaded people will tell you that they are “coincidences”. The people who believe and live with a positive mindset will always see signs that point the way.

Remember when we were kids and we had imaginations larger than life. Some kids had imaginary friends, some had incredible visions. I was all the above and then some.

The only difference between living with faith, or without it, is believing that it does not exist. As you get older, you start to forget whats really important in most cases, you lose your sense of imagination, you dull your happiness, you jade your eyes from truly seeing.

I think I will live forever with my mindset because I choose to. My physical body may not be here in 10, 30, 50, 100 years but my soul, my heart, and the way I will continue to impact others will always be what is left.

What will you leave behind?

(you dont need to answer, thats just for you to think about)

*expect a record coming from me in 2010, may it impact in ways I may not have previously*

Clarity – Fate

Clarity

So I have been the biggest Jimmy Eat World fan forever. Clarity is a record that not only defined me as a musician but helped shape me in some ways as a man. I can listen to the record all the way though from start to finish without feeling that any part of the record was too much, or not enough. It is a record for me that sits in perfection and not many records fit that way in my life. A few that do from that era are The Get Up Kids – something to write home about / Saves The Day – through being cool / Lifetime – hello bastards / Face to Face – Dont Turn Away / Lagwagon – Trashed and a few others. Anyhow…
Clarity is a record that unlike these others I have felt the most array of emotion to. Ive laughed to it, cried to it, felt hope, despair and even feelings I wasnt sure I had within me. Pretty heavy actually.

So, I have always believed that if you put things out into the universe, it will provide. Alot of people think im nuts when I say this but having faith in something bigger than yourself is often hard to grasp. Actually, anything that most people cant see or feel in tangible form is often frightening or not worth investing time or thought into.

Well I have lived my life this way since I was very young kid, and it wasnt something instilled in me by my family. It was more something that I kinda saw through the invisible frequencies of the world so to speak. I have always felt a pretty gnarly sick sense with nature, life, emotion, connecting with people on a much deeper level than surface, even if we had just met for 5 minutes, it can become us feeling like we have known eachother our entire lives.

I think a big reason is a live my life with an open heart, i love and live openly, i do everything in life out of genuineness and never out of maliciousness. With those 2 simple structures I have found a life that has allowed me to live and travel the world, often for free, ive lived on couches as well as in mansions, ive had little to no money and alot of money all at once. My point that im getting at, is I always had faith that things would always be fine no matter what happened because it would be provided. Dont think for one moment that I sat around like a bum and didnt help push things along, there is a little effort on your part as well.

So back to Clarity. I have had the CD forever but I never had the vinyl. I have searched for it for years everytime I went into a vinyl store, and I could never find it. Well, on one of tours a girl named Kaleena came to our show with it in hand. Needless to say, she had been looking for it for me and found it and gave it to me as a gift. I was pretty much blown away and it has since been one of the best gifts I have ever been given. I dont know if you kids know, but vinyl kicks CD’s ass anyday everyday, all the time. Its the closest representation to the band actually being inside your living room.

So we did our tour and I took Clarity from town to town showing it off as if it were my child. I let people touch it, smell it, haha some actually did, and take pics with it. I was blown away by how many other people were touched by Clarity and bands especially, were ultra envious because alot of them have been trying to find this rare original vinyl.

I knew that Jimmy was going to be doing a 10 year reunion tour playing Clarity from front to back along with some songs from the other records. I knew that if I didnt get a ticket when I had the chance I may never ever get the chance to be apart of this history and for me, this is a moment that I know will be up there with the day when I have my children, get married etc. It means that much to me.

Well, I was traveling so much and I come to find out when I went to buy tickets that they were all sold out. I was pretty crushed and bummed about it. i asked around and noone had any access, no way in. I was screwed.

As I have always done when I needed help, support, wanted to love on people that were in need of someone to talk to or whatever. I threw it out there into outer space haha.

I got on Twitter, I got on Myspace and any other sites I have and I posted a bulliten.

Almost instantly my buddy Jeremy hit me back and it said:

JEREMYBURKE@dannycasler if you give me a ride to SD, I got you. I somehow got list spots.

I hit him up instantly telling him “Not yes, but hell yes”

The next few days were a lil shakey of wondering if the guest list would come through because with shows of that level guest list is always a little sketchy.

I text Jeremy and he said we got the “A ok” but we both know that its not for sure till its in your hands, so we say screw it, were driving to San Diego and were going for it.

I spend a few hours going through our band trailer rearranging gear to finally get the merch case open to find my perfect vinyl CLARITY album sitting in its safe and sound spot. It hasnt been out of the locked case in months.

In a rush to drive through GNARLY traffic to LA then ALL THE WAY down to San Diego, I put my CLARITY vinyl on my car and loaded everything inside my back seat. I dont know how this ever could have happened but I got in my drivers seat and I…. TOOK OFF WITH IT ON MY ROOF!!!

I sat through a few hours of traffic, grabbed Jeremy and on the way down, realized… I dont have my CLARITY vinyl. I went through all the possible solutions to the problem and even convinced myself that it was probably still on my kitchen table although I knew it wasnt but I wanted to believe it.

We get to my house and its nowhere to be found. Im pretty broken hearted. It has eluded me again! I had it and now its gone. So lame. I go door to door asking people if they had seen the Vinyl and to no avail, no one had. I know we need to drive like the wind if we want to see Jimmy so we decide to take off.

I turn on my brights and as were driving out to the freeway the CLARITY record is laying IN THE STREET!

It had been run over multiple times and there were rock imprints all throughout the cover and I knew in my heart the vinyl was broken.

We open it up delicately piece by piece to find that the vinyl was in perfect condition, not broke = LEGIT!

I was a lil bummed about the cover being all indented with rocks prints but then I thought, with my positive thinking, that this only adds character to an incredible album and it makes the night that much more special.

This is my first time seeing Jimmy Eat World so I am technically, about to lose my (new word) Vir-JIM-ity.

We arrive to the House of Blues. Get to the ticket counter for the moment of truth and Randy from Finch pulled through… We had our tickets and I cant even explain the feeling that shot through me. It was the most intense joy I have felt in a long time. Right as we walk in we see some of our friends… Nick & John from Over It/Runner Runner, Joe Marlett, sick producer, that I just met three nights ago while recording guest vocals on the new Delux record, Aileen who grew up in the same time as me, and does merch for a bunch of bands you love and thru that, I met some new friends. Matt & Matt from Relient K and a few others. I hate to sound like im name dropping, im not, i just get stoked that life brings all these new and old people consistently into my life. It makes me always feel like im still on the right path in life.

Well, not even 10 minutes in, the lights power on and Jimmy gets on stage to start the set with Table for Glasses and they continued on to play the entire record in succession. I had teary eyes at moments and relived the last 10 years of my life in so many moments in a matter of a set by a band that means so much to me. I screamed at the top of my lungs every word to every song. It was incredible to see and hear so many people just as passionate for this band as I. They also played some older and newer stuff which just added that much more “sweetness” to the evening. (like that one hehe)

The show ended after their encore leaving me wondering why everyone wasnt screaming for a double encore? I could have sat through another few hours of Jimmy but I guess they dont do double encores or maybe our crowd was so filled and content with what they got. Who knows.

The night ended with us celebrating our loss of virJIMity with lots of drinking and partying till 6am. I am now about to make my way back to LA and start making a plaque for my CLARITY vinyl along with my ticket, wrist band and more to place upon my wall. One day when I have a room big enough in my house, it will be dedicated with plaques of the of the bands that helped make me, me.

If you have never listened to CLARITY. I highly suggest you go get the album, sit down with it, read the lyrics to songs, and find a part of yourself in this record. Every song may not be for you, like it is for me, however I promise you there is a part of you somewhere in that album and when you find it, let it change you. Let it give you…. CLARITY.

The Loss of an Angel

May Angels Lead You In

This too is an older one…

We recieved a ton of emails over the last few days about my grandmother and your support means alot to me. For those of you who dont know.

I was in Hawaii on tour and I got a call from my mother saying my grandmother was in bad shape and had to be rushed to the hospital. They found out she had terminal cancer that had gone undiscovered for over a year. I talked to the guys and we decided to cancel our tour thruout the western united states and only keep a select few dates to stay close to home. The dates we will be playing are online.

I flew back to california on the 22nd and purchased a ticket to the east coast in hopes to make it to her before christmas. We played a show on the 23rd at Chain Reaction and dedicated our set to her. Alot of people were very kind and thoughtful and said prayers for her to make it thru the night. I called my mom from the airport and she told me she was ok. How she kept her composure i dont know.

I was told she was stable because my mom didnt want to upset me, but I found out this evening as I was having dinner with my brother (who by the way is doing very well) that she had passed away last night while we were playing. She went in her sleep so i know she wasnt in pain and thats my main comfort right now.

Below is what I wrote on the plane ride…(take note, that as i was writing this, i thought she was still alive)…

I’m staring down at cityscapes glowing like golden embers, I’m helpless in the event of the unfortunate, yet I’m so close to heaven. My life is in a different place then where it was 5 years ago when I made this same flight. It was for him last time, and he was gone before I could say goodbye. This time I’m coming to her. I had the option to get to her bedside and hold her hand one last time. She is barely holding on. It makes me wonder if we are all just barely holding on. Are we all seconds away from death, so close to heaven, or are we so in control that we can autopilot thru life. Don’t answer that, just think about it. I think I have only known how to hope for heaven and expect death at any moment because its kinda like the line of duty within my family. I find myself detached from the core of feeling. Its only when I pick up a guitar and write do those feelings become tangible and they become understood when someone explains that the song affected their life or made them feel this, or that. I’m able to kind of relive the essence of what I was feeling in my body and soul at that moment but couldn’t feel it without a guitar and vocal melody. I sometimes wonder if I’m completely wierd or cursed because I’ve never been the type to lift my hands in church or cry out of happiness and joy. I don’t even really know how to cry during pain. I used to when I was younger but I realized I wasn’t crying solely out of emotion, I was crying because it was the thing that normal people did in those situations. I was almost acting my emotions out to feel normal. I know ill cry when I see her, but it won’t be because she’s dying. It will be because she’s helpless, on medication and in a hospital bed. I’d love for my last moments to not be in pain, rather in happiness, running, holding my family members hands and then collapsing and just in that instant my soul is gone. The vessell that is my body remains with a smile…however my spirit is eternal and lifted. Its a nice thought, I guess I’ve always been a dreamer.

……….

May you all hold the ones you love closer, make your enemies your friends and tell that person or family member that you have been at odds with that you want to work on getting back to where love was. We live in a world where life is rather short, and we dont always get to say goodbye, im 2 for 2 on that one. Im at peace. Make sure you all are as well when that time comes. I love you all. Always.

- Danny

MUSIC “ruined” my LIFE

MUSIC ruined my LIFE – =)
I wrote this for an interview just now. When your done reading my answer, leave me a comment telling me about something that changed your life….good or bad.

“What’s the one thing that changed your life completely, how did it affect you and why did it change your life?”

……………

MUSIC!!!!

For better or for worse this thing called music has changed my ENTIRE life. It led me in, seduced me, captivated me and then controlled every ounce of my being. It is responsible for all the heart breaks I received and for EVERYONE I dished out. I always chose music of my gf’s. It made me believe that going to college was a waste of time and that my scholarship was worthless compared to a life of creating a sonically recorded lyric or sound that would be more then not, stolen or given away for free. It told me….I will give you all the things you desire for the most part but in return, I want your time, your energy, ALL of your money, your loyalty and always your soul and honesty.

So I gave in. I would break up with girlfriends I loved very much sometimes just because I knew it would hurt me bad enough to write a better song. I would go on tour long enough to where I would miss my friends terribly, my dogs incredibly, and my loved ones (gf’s (at the time), family) endlessly. I lived off of top ramen and drank lots of tap water and searched tirelessly for that “fix” that music gives you when you step on a stage and see people singing back at you, sometimes with tears in their eyes because simply “THEY KNOW”. They know exactly what I went through and what im going through right now. They know because they go to school everyday and they hate it. They go to work and want to shoot someone sometimes. They know that the one thing that prevents them from doing all of that, is music.

That feeling you get when the first 5 seconds of the song sends your body into complete euphoria, quite like the feeling im getting as I write this because it takes me immediately back to that moment when I heard Jimmy Eat World’s CLARITY, and the riff started on “For me this is heaven” and I KNEW, that love was possible long past the heart break I had just went through a month previous, and my heart was renewed and I we t tears of joy like a little girl. Or the moment when AFI released Black Sails into the Sunset and the bass line with guitar feed back came in to the song “Exsanguination” and Davey Havok screams “yeah” but later in the song he exclaims “Just stumble and fall into a world that’s over crowded. And you will find me. Won’t recognize me; and I won’t recognize myself. ” and I once again knew that I was changing as a person and this song was reinforcing that change and music accepted that change.

With all that said….music has continuously brought me to some of the most remote regions of this planet from the most snow covered parts of Alaska, to the beaches of souther Mexico into the ghettos of New Jersey. Its constantly showing me the world, but not just the physical and material aspects of the world, but the inner workings as well. It has shown me new cultures, new lives, it has shown me death and made me appreciate that coming and going of the tide of the world. For everything you take, there is something you must give and put back to complete the balance. It has brought incredible new people into my life that I know will always be apart of my life even when im long and gone. Whether they were friends or fans, they mean everything to me, even on days when I may not be able to show it. Music has also brought a lot of creepy smelly people into my life as well. So with everything, there is another side you must appreciate an enjoy.

In the end, when I gave my physical and emotional life here on earth to music, I didn’t quite know what I was getting myself into. Ive sat back on days and thought, what the hell am I doing. This thing music has made me miss my nephews first steps, my cousins wedding, my dads retirement, my loved ones birthdays, funerals of close friends that passed away and so much more. Why am I still giving in, why am I still putting myself through this. WHY!?

I know why now. Music has saved my life and I have found my place in music and through it, I have been blessed to make that very same music that is now saving other peoples lives. Im now responsible for creating honest and passionate soul felt music that helps people with their addictions, that mends heartbreaks, that gives hope for tomorrow and reminds others to live. I know that if I didn’t have music when I needed it, I would have had silence, and that silence would made me feel like noone was listening when I was in the deepest depths of my soul and I had nothing else to turn to.

So here I am, writing an answer to a question that has been playing in my head ever since I heard those first clips of music that grabbed me and I have no clue where any of this will take me and to be honest. I really don’t care anymore. I really don’t have anymore expectations for what it is supposed to be like, or where its supposed to go. I don’t care if it never makes it to MTV or mainstream radio. I don’t care if I ever tour again (altho if I never did, I would miss all of you kids out there terribly! You are my heart)

All I care now, is being happy and knowing that as long as the music I make, (and I say that metaphorically now, because the music I encourage everyone to make in their lives doesn’t have to be the audio version, it could painting, it could sports, or charity or whatever your heart desires, but when you make it. Make it honestly, make it passionately and do it because you love it)….k that was a tangent, so back to “as long as the music I make”…. Means something to me, and when you hear or see it, it means something to you. That’s all I need.

So there it is. Music, the most devastating yet awe inspiring thing that ever happened to me (until I have my first child, or get married…..maybe) =)

Guatemala – Carrying the Cross

Child of Guatemala

*my opinions, views and beliefs are mine alone, i do not wish to push anything upon you, just tell my story. I know some of you have faith in a higher power, and some of you do not, some of you choose to believe there is something in some form that guides you, and others believe life is a series of evolutions. Im not hear to tell you that your way is right or wrong and of course with anything, I would hope you show my path the same respect. xo *

Day 1 – April 30 2009

Morning

Cowboy Church

I just woke in my bunk of the church grounds ranch in Amberes outside of Santa Rosa De Lima. We arrived in Guatemala City at around 8pm last night and it started pouring rain the minute we got out to the street. The pastor and his buddies all came to get us and treated us to Pollo Camperos. This place makes any chicken place in the US look like rookies. The food was amazing and the chile sauce was mind blowing. We drove thru rural areas where dogs played or laid in the streets everywhere. The ride was a good hour to get to where we would call it a night for the morning work. It’s breakfast right now and I cannot wait to see what were going to eat. We are ministering to around 150 kids today and I am super excited about that. I’m really excited to carry the cross eventually and gain a little more perspective on what it feels like and what my friend has felt. He has carried the cross all over the world so it should be interesting. More to come…

Afternoon

Carrying the Cross

Just got done carrying the cross. We walked into a village with the PA blaring Spanish music. A huge crowd gathered. Most of them children. I think we had about 150+ kids surrounding us and they followed us back to the church. I took the cross on my back and it def gives new meaning to the weight of the cross. This was thick tree wood weighing over 80lbs and the edges just cut into your shoulders. It made me think alot. Alot about how it’s not an easy thing to bare… and it’s not supposed to be. I think anything that you choose to make apart of your life commitment never is. Whether its faith in something, a marriage, a personal choice, its never easy and it all comes with its ups and downs.

We did games with the local children and I found myself wanting to take them home. They are living in a standard that is below any I have ever seen. There is not a ghetto in the US that could touch what these kids grow up in… Housing wise. They don’t eat much if anything at all. The little girls carry the parents babies or their own children and the boys run around playing soccer which seems to be the #1 sport in all the central and south american countries.

The Church Grounds

By The Horns

Kid Bull

After everything was finished Cesar took us to a water park. Imagine your water park in the USA and then imagine a water park in the jungle that has rusted nails, make shift ladders, stairs to the slides that are rusted through the footing. Then imagine how much fun it all is. It’s actually amazing and I’m having a blast. While we were doing all this, there are peacocks just cruising around from the jungle ha. So odd. Life is good and God is always great. More to come.

Night

We played a bunch of cover songs of Jimmy Eat World, The Get Up Kids, Dashboard, Further Seems Forever and a bunch Fat Wreck bands. They had no idea who those bands were but since we hadn’t touched up on La Bamba, It’s all we had. I read a book and passed out. We’ve all been farting our brains out cause you eat beans all day. Its kinda become more of a musical orchestra with everyones butts. We decided to start a butt band called The SLO which is short for South Land Orchestra which refers to our butts haha.

Day 2 – May 1 2009

The Town of Naranjo

Parade day. We woke up to have some breakfast. Chichitos, beans and hard boils eggs. Super good. Everything here tastes amazing and pure. The salt, the veggies, the fruit. Much better than the states and i think it boils down to very good soil.

Anyhow were in the back of the truck standing as we blaze down the road. (Everyone here dress’ up as cowboys so guess what. I’m a cowboy on this trip out of respect.) It’s kinda like revisiting my childhood dreams. Cowboys and Indians. Ironically the book I’m reading right now is called: The True Diary of a Part Time Indian

Im a Cowboy, On a Steel Horse I ride

Parade

We just finished the parade. I think I met one of the most beautiful Latina woman I have ever seen and it didn’t hurt that she was dressed as a cowgirl riding a horse. She was miss cafe which is like the queen of coffee or something. Phew. Anyhow. We threw out lots of candies to kids who were extremely greatful. They would scramble at the candy like it was gold. Very, very cool experience to be apart of this cowboy parade with all these Guatemalan cowboys.

Miss Cafe

We are now sat with all the cowboys to be fed and I was told there was some Narco boss’ there with us. Im pretty fascinated with organized crime, so I was def looking around wondering who it could be.

Late afternoon

Just got back from Santa Rosa.  We walked thru the town and met some of the locals  there was this guy making axes out of tree branches and widdling with a broken piece of glass from a 711 bottle! Really cool stuff and it looked very pro.

Wood Carver with a broken bottle

We got back to our hacienda and did some interviews and then we chased the chickens. I got a baby and then Nate caught a momma so in true competetive fashion I went and caught the top chicken. We were both out of breath. The chicken and I. I let him go and as we walked away he let out the longest rooster call. Almost as if to either say “screw you” in chicken talk or “good game!”

Oh. I saw a Jesus lizard! He saw me flared up and ran across the grass. If you don’t know what a Jesus lizard is, google it and click images or check out the videos. These things are cool!

Horn out of a Horn

Lastly I found a bulls horn and I brought it to the shed where I sawed and drilled at it till it was now a blow horn. On my first blow a huge brown recluse jumped out and I dropped the horn and ran. Scared the living crap out of me. You would have thought that all the drilling, banging, prodding would have been enough to make him leave earlier but I guess my wicked horn skills did the job.

Just got done with an ice cold shower because there is no hot water here. It is a real seperation from everything you know. Water comes from a well that pumps to the house that comes thru a PVC pipe that is the shower head. Above you, are wooden make shift roof slats filled with spider webs indicating that there are just tons of spiders everywhere. The walls are all make shift stucko and the actual roof is steel sheeting so when it rains it just sounds like firecrackers.

Evening

We went to some political party merting out here. When you are invited to something, you just go. There is no “I’ll stay back”. It’s too rude. So we went and it was 2 hours of sitting. Standing. Waving right hands and I had no idea what they were even saying. I thought we were going to a buddies house for enchiladas. It made me feel more like I was in church haha. I played with the chickens… Again.

We left and came home after having some nachos and drinks at the hotel across the street. Rooms are $8. Believe that? There is a beach town called Monterico where your beach front hotel room is $1.50 a night!!!!  I think I may come stay here for a month soon with friends.

Were about have… Guess what. Beans again! And honestly. I’m stoked. Everything here tastes so much better than in the states and it’s so much healthier for you.

We talked about the chupacabra and La Llorona. Told jokes and then watched the fireflies play under the ms go trees. So incredibly beautiful to witness. Now. It’s time for bed

Day 3 – May 2 2009

We woke to eat some more friholes. Breakfast was amazing as usual. Elba, Cesars wife makes the most amazing food. They love my Hawaiian candies and garlic salt so I will leave them with some and send more later.

So today was the day of the cross. We did the parade yesterday but today was the day we did the parade carrying the cross. As I have mentioned before, this cross weighs 80-100 lbs and is no joke. The edges dig and cut into your shoulder and the wood hammers on your bones. Then your feet start to burn from the walk, your neck aches and your spirit flies. I took the cross from the starting point yesterday and carried by myself all the way thru the town. I was complaining to myself earlier this morning because I wanted to be lazy. I wanted to sit in the back of the truck and ride like Macys Day Parade trucks do. Then it hit me that when Jesus carried the cross to Calvary he did not have a truck. He did not have a cowboy hat to help block the sun or shoes and socks to cover his aching feet. I was feeling a lot of pain on my accord walking this cross thru the blazing sun up and down hills, but I felt not even an inkling of the pain Jesus felt emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.

My pain was enough to really get me thinking about alot of things. Like how selfish I have been in my own life. How giving and loving these people are in Guatemala and how much alot of them really love Christ and they live it. They lead a very simple life that is organized around love, community and Christ. Noone here cares about things like traffic, email, television, status within the social ladder. They all just have this harmonious system.

During my moment of pain I started to ask for strength because I knew we had a ways to go. This was not a walk in the park parade. This thing was long. I found myself going from weak to super strength. Carrying this cross lifting it above my head. Holding it up with one hand as I waves to kids and parents and grandmothers and grandfathers. I saw people gesturing towards me, talking to one another and some who could afford a camera taking pictures.

I was just praying that whatever I was doing was making them think about Christ. Think about their lives. Think about what they may be holding themselves back from. Lord knows I do not lead a perfect life. Not even close but I will sit here and look anyone in the eyes and have no problem admitting my vices. I will never lie to myself with who I am but I only hope for who I want to become.

I felt alot of pride today and I don’t think I’ve felt pride in alot of things lately and maybe that’s because my life has been a trainwreck and a blessing all in one. Well, it always has been and always will be.

I’m off to read my book. It just keeps getting better.

Day 4 – May 4 2009

I made her a balloon out of a surgical glove to stop her from crying. SHE LOVED IT. I had to make them for all the kids and moms to take home.

We are at a clinic today feeding the nurses and cleaning up the back yard area for them. We noticed a few things while here. The clinic has a brand new enclave to steralize the the equiptment they use. They also have a brand new washer and dryer for their clothing. Everyone hand washes and clothes line dries their laundry here. Well, they have had these items for use but because of the very limited knowledge of what they even are or how to use them, they are just laying around in their boxes. I was told that up to 200 of these type of items are donated to hospitals and clinics all over Guatemala but once again, because of the limited knowledge they just sit here. Very sad really because people are donating these items without realizing they also have to educate the people on how to use them. If you to take a hungry man to water, you must teach him how to fish or else your defeating the purpose of the gift. That’s one of the things I look forward to helping with. It also makes me wonder how many diseases or contagions are being spread by not cleaning the items properly.

Evening

Gallo

We had a few Gallo cervesas and now were gonna play some Phase 10.  Never played it so it should be fun. I know our homemade monopoly rules game last night was killer. It kept us up until we said screw this, im going to bed. Never ending monopoly more like it.

Bed Time

So I’m in bed reading Scar Tissue and Nate was going to bed and we talked a bit how he has night terrors or wakes up being joked in his sleep. I had this head light on while I reading. Anyhow. He has mentioned that he believes he has demonic overpowerings on him, like spiritual warfare stuff. As I was reading this book he woke up screaming and writhing and making some insane noises and I shined my light on his face and his eyes were lit up cherry tomatoe red. Not like. I have irritated eyes. Like. Those are not your eyes. They are glowing red and I’m scared crapless right now. You know I would never lie about anything I see and I have NEVER seen anything like this. I immediately prayed for him as well as myself haha. He does not know I’m writing this but this is like the third or fourth time I have awoke to him screaming and tonight his eyes looked absolutely possessed. My god! Haha, its a total WTF moment.

Day 5 – May 5 2009

Morning

Cinco de mayo. We woke and had breakfast. Beans, chichagga which is pig skin, mush which is a soup. All was good. Got packed and headed into Guatemala City. One thing I find trippy is that almost every corner has a guy with a shot gun or Uzi. I wonder if they ever have to use them. I snapped off a couple of good pics but nothing worth posting. I think crime is so high here they need it as a deterrent.

Afternoon / Evening

This is a Guatemalan Transpo Bus... AWESOME!

We just drove a solid 3 hours into the jungle. We have another 3 hours left so I am bumping Jimmy Eat World’s Live Albums and demos, just tripping out on how amazing this band and is thinking way too much about stuff. We went from a very dry hot climate into this moist cold rainforest in just a few hours. On the drive over alot of the hills had random fires around and the stop signs all had bullet holes. It was pretty awesome.

Quetzal Bird

We thought we were gonna do the whole 6 hours however our driver pulled off into this muddy road and we ended up at the most beautiful homemade hotels in the jungle. You hike back to get to them. There is waterfall and trails here leading deep in. They are telling us the most beautiful and endangered bird called the Quetzal lives here and is a rare see. We are hoping to see one. They named their currency after this bird. I’m laying back in my bed waiting on dinner and I think I’ll read deeper into Anthony Keidis Scar Tissue book. So far it’s amazing. I finished reading “The true diary of a part-time Indian”. Deff get that book. It’s a very good read and pretty moving.

Spiders Suck

We saw a beautiful yet disgusting massive spider. Got alot of pics and video of it before it freaked everyone out and ran. I dont know how beautiful and disgusting work together but with spiders it sometimes does.

Gonna read more of my book and pass out.

Day 6 – May 6 2008

Morning

We woke bright and early to hopefully catch the Quetzal bird. I woke. Walked outside and saw a beautiful sunrise thru the rainforest.

We then set off on a 2 hour hike up the mountain jungle to seek out the Quetzal. For some reason the food didn’t sit well and I started throwing up. It may have been the altitude mixed with hiking a strenuous hike up hill?  The group was being a lil louder than I was hoping as I really wanted to really immerse myself with the oneness of the jungle so I ran ahead and got far from the group. I felt a little fear at first because I was all by myself and this jungle is full of all kinds of unexpected things. Then I felt peace and calm took over me and I actually thanked god and asked to see a Quetzal Bird. I know that sounds totally laughable or strange to some people, but I have always asked for things I wanted. Some will say its “throwing out your wants into the universe” or what have you but whatever you want to call it, it has worked for me thru-out my entire life. I call those moments blessings. (moving forward) This is one of the most elusive birds in the jungle. I even said when I asked that I’m ok with not getting a picture and wouldn’t you know it. 20 seconds later I turn the corner and a beautiful big male Quetzal was on the branch. We both suprized one another and just stared each other and I was in complete awe and amazement. It was a good 20-30 seconds and he took off and his beuatiful tail feathers trailed behind him. As I made me way down further I could continuously hear the birds calling out and sure enough. I waited patiently and a small female flew from out of a tree covering and I watched her disappear into the jungle. I tried to tell everyone what I had saw, because they all had no luck with it. Of course, NOONE BELIEVED ME. I was kinda bummed. I had no proof I saw it except to myself and then I thought. Well, thats all the proof I need. I’m not going to worry about whether they believe me. I know, God knows, and those Quetzal birds def know I saw them! Hah.

We ended up at this beautiful waterfall which we climes up and under it and I let it rain across my head and face. I then cupped my hands to drink from the water. It’s probably the most pure water I have ever drank. You could just hold your water bottle out and BAM. Fresh water.

Early Morning, looking for the Quetzal Bird

Plant Life in the Jungle

Mushroom

Look at this Leaf!

As we made our way further down we saw a bunch of kids who didn’t hesitate to announce that of course, we were gringos haha. We ran down the hill with them and ended up at this beautiful man made freshwater pool that the waterfall flows into. We all jumped in and it was the most invigorating feeling. Fresh. New. Clean. Spiritual even.

As we got up to the end of the trail we were warned that we had to pack and leave fast. Apparently the NARCO drug traffickers and bandits and pulling over vehicles and robbing them at gunpoint. I’m honestly half scared half excited. I mean, Noone wants their life to be at risk however you accept the risks your taking when you come into a country like this. I am honestly looking forward to getting thru this route and getting safely to the next point. Our driver had a very real serious look on his face so I’m not looking forward to messing around, just getting to point B.

Late Afternoon

Trails

A Fell Tree

Just woke from a nap and were still driving. We are in a completely undeveloped part of Guatemala. There is no electricity and water is run thru one long pipe that goes forever. It’s that or river and rain. I have also seen people bathing and washing their clothes and babies in the stream. They are walking around nude or barely clothes so I know were closer to the native Indians. I’m filled with anticipation as we get closer to our mission. Altho today was beautiful I am looking forward to being as close to these Indians as possible. I am even down to wear whatever they are. Even if it’s nothing. I want to show them I’m here to learn their culture, respect who they are and love on them with my soul.

Evening

It wasn’t safe to drive the thru the night in Coban because of the Narco Traffickers so they found an awesome village in the middle of these sharp mountains called Raxrujah. It hasn’t caves everywhere from the ainciwnt Mayan ruins. What’s even more insane is that this place a shack Internet cafe from a satelite service. How they got this all to work I will never know. This place doesn’t even have fresh water so I don’t know how they got Internet. Also, they had this little Parrot that couldnt fly but he would keep hopping up to me and chewing on my pants. I ended up chilling with him for a bit. Dinner is taking place so more to come …

My Homie

Nice Flowers

Day 7 – May 7 2009

Woke up super early. Had a dream I played a national product show by myself for alot of kids and Garth Brookes joined me.

Breakfast was terrible this morning. This place had chickens tied up for slaughter. Kinda made me really not hungry. I didn’t eat much at all, however the soup was amazing.

Chicken Soup in the Jungle... very very good

We then took off down the road where the streets were no longer paved. We are entering straight jungle and volcanic area. We road on the top of one of the vans and that was interesting. Especially when our van took off and the guy driving us on top stopped and said “this is as far as I go”. We at first laughed but then were like… Ummmm I hope he’s joking. We got dropped off and made it to our hotel

Afternoon

We arrived into the small native village with the radio. I was amazed as we pulled up at the amount of children and adults that were out celebrating the reception of the transmitter. This would allow this small obscure village to recieve radio programming of the word from as far away as Belize and get any information they needed on immunizations and much more. They had a live band brought in performing worship songs. It was awesome. The entire town was out. We prayed on the item to be blessed and recieved and they prayed for excepting it. I had this overwhelming feeling of happiness knowing I was helping out something so much bigger then myself.

Village Elder who had Blue Eyes

This kid made a toy out of an old computer keyboard. Simplicity

Baby Pig in the Mud

I also met the adoptive mother of Julio. Julio is a pigmy who was adopted along with 20 other children. She sold all her property to buy the first radio transmitter along time ago and Julio ended up moving to the city, got married, got a job and worked withthe church so that one day he could help with us, bringing back a very expensive modern transmitting system. I could see how proud he was. I was honored to meet this woman who has dedicated her whole life to loving on the children who have been left behind. Even to this day altho most of the other children have moved on and gotten married, she remains in this small village with an entirely new set of little kids that are her new children. She made us the most spectacular meal full of soul and love and I forgot to even take a picture of this woman because I was so in awe of her aura that I just stared and welled up inside at the thought that this is what I feel is Christ like. I have never been one for organized church unless it felt like a true community. Not all churches feel that way but some do. I have also never been a fan of bible thumping or telling someone they are going to Hell. In my crazy life I have learned that loving is the biggest example of who you are and what I know Christ was and is like. I have lived my life by this. I have made close friends with a satanic priest, strippers, porn stars, prostitutes and more. Not one have I EVER judged or told ” you are going to hell”. I have only ever loved these people because I am not in a position to judge another. That’s an evil and ego driven reaction because whenever you choose to judge someone, your putting a microscope over one particular area of their life and basing the person off of one area, one chapter, one slice of who they are. You don’t allow yourself to find out what made them that way, why they chose this lifestyle, where they are going and who they may become years down the road. You aren’t using pure love when you look at people thru a microscope and in the end, when you judge people who are already judging themselves., you alienate them when all they want is love. If you choose to do this, you will miss out on alot of very colorful amazing people who will impact you in so many special ways and surprise you… If you let them.

Anyhow…

This woman is exactly the text book example. She loved on all these beautiful children who were left on the street or abandoned because their parents couldn’t afford to feed them. I asked Steve if children die in other villages and he confirmed. I was broken hearted at the thought that the truth is, not every town has a woman like this who just takes these children in an loves on them and teaches them the values of life so they can go on and enrich other peoples life. Folks. That is why I believe I was put on this earth. I am dedicating my legacy to it.

Day 8 – May 8 2009

We woke to an early breakfast. Omelets and pancakes. So good!

We took off to a very small village to spread some of the word. We met a local guy who welcomed us into his home and he had fresh coconuts prepared for us. It was amazing and very refreshing to drink the fresh coconut juice. Like Gatorade on a super hot day.

We prayed on him and went and hung out with the mothers and kids at a mothers day type deal. It was so awesome and there was music, dancing and more. I fell in love with these kids.

They chased after us when we left and shortly after we were brought to a families house where they made food for us. Sooooo good. Fresh fruits, pineapples, banannas… The works. There is nothing more refreshing then eating something from a place that is so nutrient rich in soil. You will know the difference in what you eat at a grocery store compared to the true fresh mineral and vitamin filled fruits of the jungle.

Mothers Day

Johnny & Chuchito

After that the sun was beating down so hard we were told to follow to a river. About a 20 minute walk in we found the most pristine beautiful flowing river. All set with little waterfalls and shells everywhere. I swam in the same water I drank from. Collected shells and just immersed myself in everything that Guatemala is. This little kid Johnny has quickly became my child out here. He holds my hand when we walk. I love him for sure.

Leaving Civilization

The River

Walking In

Volcanic Hill Tops

Along the walk, I took notice to some really cool scenery, plant life and the coolest of all, the Bulls and Cows. This experience I had was one of such intensity. We walked thru a field, the one you see above, and it had over 50 bulls and cows and the local indians went first to make sure we were ok. I tailed in the back watching the Bulls do bluff charges. Everyone got thru and we ended up at this beautiful river. I looked back and all the bulls were staring at me. I grabbed the video camera and walked back into the field by myself and walked towards them. The ones that were sitting quickly stood up and the males moved closer to me in an attack mode. I wasn’t afraid or anything. I knew they could impale me and def out run me but I was at this insane peace with everything around me. I reached out my hand palm down and looked at the biggest male in the eyes. We stared at one another for a good 3 minutes or so and he bluff charged me. I didnt move a muscle. I stayed firm. He kept looking at me like he wasnt sure about me and in the distance I could see the indians yelling at me to get out of there as fast as I could. I of course, didnt pay any attention to them. I turned on my camera and started to video. (i have to upload this)

I then got onto my knees and held my hand back out and the most amazing thing happened. The biggest male bull walked up to me very cautiously, smelled my hand, and started to lick my fingers. I then reached out of for his head and rubbed the spot between his eyes and he bowed his head. He then walked closer to me and began licking my face! I was tripping out, his horns were right near me and at any moment that guy could have just took my head off.

Shortly after, all the males began to walk up to me and smell me and I pet a few showing I was of no harm to them. The females stayed back with their calfs. The last cool thing to happen was when I started to walk back to the river I wasnt looking back but I could hear the indians cheering and laughing. I turned around and ALL of the Bulls, Cows and Calves were following me to the river to drink. I felt so in touch with life and god at that moment. I knew this was something more than just a random occurrence.

These were a few of the smaller ones who were walking around

Thought this looked cool

Homemade Spear Gun to get Fish in the Rivers

Baby in the village

Lots of kids here dont smile often

Cutie

Crazy Kids

Handing out sugar water and food

These shells are in a river in the middle of the jungle which used to have an ocean covering the soil. As hundreds of years passed, they adapted to living in fresh water and I was able to bring home ALOT of these shells in which I hope to make jewelry from. They are absolutely beautiful to see

Lil man rocking some NP on the iPod. They could not believe that music could come out of a machine like this ha

Oh Snap

You know it son!

We are heading back to our hotel. The pastors reached out to the villagers and had a live band with a movie about Jesus. The response was rad. I cannot wait to crawl into bed.

Day 9 – May 9 2009

Woke up and had pancakes. Was the first time we didn’t eat beans… Thank god. I’m honestly so sick of beans and tortillas at this point. There is nothing more dull than wondering what’s for breakfast and finding out it’s … Beans and tortillas. Oh yeah, what about lunch… Beans. Dinner?  Beans! Haha, after me saying how wonderful they were earlier i have realized its “too much of a good thing”

Barf city when it’s everyday. That’s why there is a saying that too much of anything is a bad thing.

Today were packing thru the jungle to Cepok. Meeting with another village.

Afternoon

We had a 1.5 hour drive in the back of a truck to Cepok. On the way we noticed a large gathering and found out a person died by crashing their bike off a river bank.

On our way we pulled off and they showed us a natural spring that sends crystal clear water out of the mountain. There were villages bathing nude and washing clothing. We found catfish and other fish swimming around. I grabbed a baby turkey and held it then let it run. It didn’t run from me like i was expecting.

Baby Chickie

We then took the pretty aggressive hike a ways into this deep vast jungle where we arrived to Cepok. The villagers all came running to us. It was awesome to be greated that way and then they fed us. The food was amazing. This area is in the bowl of a beautiful mountanous jungle pocket. You can scream and it echos, which is really cool.

Coming into Cepoc

Walking in

Cepoc

Welcome to the Jungle

The long 3-4 hour hike back into the Village

We went to cool off in the spring as the guys went deeper to give an offering of a lamp. The villagers have been doing church by candle light so we brought lamps and fuel.

We came back to the homemade church and played the marimba. I was jamming a rendition of Coldplays “Lost”. I’m gonna try and make a cool video of it. They have a guitar. Marimba and a stand up bass. Pretty cool stuff since it’s all suuuuuper old. Now were laying waiting on the guys to get back.

Marimba

Evening

We had dinner. Beans, rice and pig skin and fat. Very weird. Very tasty. The afternoon we played soccer be threw the football for a few hours. I cannot stop sweating here. It’s just soooo hot in this little valley. I got some good footage of a father loving on his baby after a long days work. It’s very loving and pure. Made me smile. Being out here makes me excited to have children. I honestly can’t wait. I know that I can see myself having children with Catherine. I can see myself spending my life with her. Being out here makes me appreciate thought and feelings like that. (since writing this, ironically, we no longer talk… sad but tis life)

Were sitting in the pews of the church waiting for it to start. I’m excited for them to start jamming the marimba.

The band was shredding. I recorded some sound for you all to enjoy. We sang a bunch of songs to the villagers and prayed over this guy Jose and his family. He was moved to tears. It’s amazing how powerful live is even when the language barrier presents no way to verbally understand someone, LOVE speaks all languages. I think that’s amazing.

Day 10 – May 10 2009

We spent the evening last night battling the largest spiders I have EVER seen. We went to the water spring well where this village gets it water from. The well was nearly dry and a week ago it was bone dry and the elders have discussed abandoning the village which is a very sad thought. That evening before dinner I prayed foe it to rain and fill their well so that they would be able to continue raising their children there.

Water Source

Well… It rained, and to be honest that’s an understatement. It flooded! I have never heard rain like this before and because of the rain, the biggest spiders came running… Yes, RUNNING into the church we were sleeping in. They were the size of my hand and absolutely disgusting haha. I could not sleep between Nates night terrors and thoughts of spiders crawling on us. Lame!

I spent most of the day playing soccer with the kids who had make shift goal posts out of sticks. I handed them a football and they didnt even know what it was or how to use it. Pretty amusing but by the end of the day they were throwing perfect spirals. Here are some pics of them with livestock and just posing.

We spent alot of the afternoon chasing some of the live stock since it was one of the fun things the kids like to do. We caught a pig and some turkeys.

Village Girl

One of the Boys

He jumped right onto my shoulder and just stared at me for a few minutes. Trippy!

Morning

We left the camp that morning to head to a new camp called Por Venir. This is a village you have to get to by canoe. We walked thru another few miles of pasture before finding the guy with the canoe waiting for us. It’s surreal how no one has cell phones but everyone is on time waiting for you. I can’t get that in the US. Anyhow we docked and headed to the village where we were greeted with more meals and kids. We baptized two teenagers today and it was incredibly moving for me. To see people dedicate their life is a powerful thing and even more powerful when your apart of it.

Por Venir

Bebe

Baptism

Little girl from the village

After that we headed to Felipe’s Oasis. I cannot even begin to explain how amazing this place is so I will just show you the video i took once i can upload it (im in the caribbean right now on dial up cause the island im on just got internet ha)…

Day 11 – May 11 2009

Our last day. We took off from Felipe’s and set off to Rio Dulce. We had been dying to eat some “pescado” aka fish in spanish. So we went to a hidden resort with bungalows that has a good restaurant. We had our whole fried fish battered in garlic and then took off to town to buy some souveneirs.

After about 7 hours of driving we made it to Cesars where we played Monopoly and waiting till sunrise for our flights

Day 12 – May 12 2009

I am sitting in first class drinking my bloody Mary and I’m gonna pass out. I am worn in a good way from this trip. Blessed as well.

After a nice deep sleep at Felipe’s with the cat in my lap I woke to go for a morning swim. I net this rad dude Aaron from Montana and we bro’d down. He travels alot so I’m sure we will meet up again next time we travel to Guatemala.

A Gift of Love

I leave you with this. Love is a blessing and a gift that transcends all boundaries and language barriers. It much like music, because it can be felt by anyone without truly understanding exactly what it means. Love in my opinion is one of the elements that ALL humans need just as much as we need Oxygen and Water. Without those things we would surely die and I feel like that without love, we would slowly wither away, lose purpose and eventually succumb to a broken heart. I have made it my purpose to love on as many people as possible. Sometimes I realize that in doing so I have neglected the ones that are closest to me, but I also know that in time, the ones who are closest to me know how sincerely I love them, and they will understand that loving others who need it a little more is the more immediate response. I encourage you all to go out and love the people that make you angry, the ones that make you feel loved and show much more compassion, than your probably used to. The road less travelled is never the easy road but its the road that has made all the difference in my life.

- Danny

Im on a BOAT… for 2 weeks!

This story from about 10 months ago….

6:44am

Im in the airport in Santa Ana California waiting for my flight to Texas. I have this insane feeling of bravery but I also feel like im scared crap-less and I am not quite sure what I am afraid of.

I have always had crazy thoughts of me crashing in planes, getting mauled by a vicious animal, a deadly dismembering car crash. Like really violent things. Its really insane. Anyhow, with those crazy flashes I also envision amazing things happening to me too. I think its my psyche keeping me balanced?

I think im scared because all these amazing things keep happening for me, in my life and I don’t know how to quite accept them for what they are. Gifts? Blessings? Earned rights? Maybe its all of that. I think the blessing is knowing that all this could change at any moment in my life, and to feel grateful for the things your about to experience, good or bad, is what truly makes the experience worthwhile. Its about allowing yourself to not take anything for granted.

I just spent 9 months on the road with my band and I got to experience some of the most incredible moments, and some of the hardest things I have ever encountered. I saw the world, I watched the birth of my nephew take place, I watched the cancer eat away at a very close friend and in the end take her life.

When I came home from this crazy life of new towns, new faces, new everything which is really not a normal way to live, I chose to enter a new life that still involves music, however it involves a lot more ME. I have given myself in almost everyway possible in the last few years and I realized I was not loving me, loving the ones closest to me to the full potential.

So here I am, in an airport again, after my crazy New York Fashion Week trip I just had… (That story coming soon)

But here I am, off to Texas, then living on a ship in the middle of the Gulf Of Mexico fishing and experiencing things with one of my best friends that i never thought I would… for many reasons.

So day 1 begins.

1:01

Sitting in Dallas airport waiting for my connection to Corpus. The plane is late. As I was boarding my first flight a girl behind me talking to her friend said “everything happens for a reason”, and as cliché of a phrase to say, it hit me pretty good today thinking of my life. Thinking of everything I have been thru recently. Feels good to just “let things happen” rather than force them or instruct them on HOW to happen. I think Im gonna player some online poker and take some suckers money. ha

Your Possessions…

The Beanie

So I like when certain things enlighten me. I feel I have been very blessed in my life with an insane intuition of how to read people, understand them, heal and help them, love them etc. I also have a great gift of fore sight. An understanding of the future, where things are going for the most part, and being able to read all the little “signs” that appear in my life often.

This vacation back home in Hawaii opened my eyes to so many things. One of them, which I have constantly been working on is my patience. I was a very impatient person growing up. If you knew me, you wouldn’t have thought that, because I was good at hiding that or any aspect of me that I saw as a flaw. Alot of us are good at covering up the things we think are flaws.

I started over the last 2 years began to reanalyze myself which I do every time I am feeling something isnt right, or something isnt me and I came to a few conclusions.

When I had first moved out to California, growing up with not alot of money, I saw alot of people had alot of nice things. Cars, Houses, Toys, Clothing and so on. I began to cloud my own judgment of what I knew was important in life and replace it with what was now becoming what I thought was reality, which is:  Money & Cars & Nice things must make you happy? I need those things! I need more material possessions!

Don’t get me wrong. I am a really happy dude with or without things, but I thought, wow these things could make me even happier! I went out, I bought the Mercedes Benz. I bought a Pool Table for my house, a Jacuzzi for my house, a new Macbook Pro, a Bar for my house, a huge 50inch Plasma TV and every game to Xbox 360 you could imagine. I had a brand new plush bed, a new couch in my room, a washer dryer, frig, microwave and the works. I sat back like…”I am complete! I never have to leave my house again! YES!”

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Im not on tour, and because I dont know what to do with myself, I am buying all of these things to occupy me. These things are not only occupying me, but they are dictating me, and eventually, they will trap me, and hold me ransom for my life back. I was doing this all so that I could never have to leave my house??? What kind of nonsense is that. When the world is such a BEAUTIFUL place outside. I was putting myself in a personal prison of material possessions.

Its a good thing I…

1. Have a relationship with god and know the words in Psalm 23.1 still and will always ring true, “The lord is my shepard, I shall NOT want“
2. Can realize that these things are not important regardless of how they make you feel when your around them
3. Are social and sometimes economic traps that will confine you to thinking you need them, thus making you work your life away to continuously upgrade to that new Iphone, or have the latest Laptop, or make monthly payments on a car you never even drive.

Well, in my case, this is exactly how it was. I was confining myself, short and simple in my material possessions. It took me a little while to get that but when it did, I almost freaked myself out and I bought a ONE WAY ticket to Hawaii. I always buy one way tickets because I am not sure if life is going to want me a little longer than I want myself to be in any given place. Now that is what is special about life. If you can allow yourself to be embedded in gods will, and life’s wants, your wants, as important as you may think they are, no longer take precedence and things will unfold for you in ways that are supernatural and unexplainable.

This all may sound like “crazy talk” to alot of you but remember that these words are coming from a guy that alot of people write to (me) and say things like: “man your so lucky, you have the best luck in the world” “man how do you get all these cool things in life, how does this happen for you man, what are you doing”

LUCK is the most absurd thing I have ever heard in life. My life is not lucky. Its actually an offensive term when people say that to me. I take it personal because I am truly blessed and luck is for people who wait for things to happen. Don’t mistake “making things happen for yourself” in the same light as “forcing things to happen for yourself”

There are many things you will never control in life. You can not force someone to love you. You cannot force yourself to love someone else. You cannot force who you fall in love with. You cannot force the natural pull and will that god is bringing you towards and if you do not believe in god, thats ok too, but you have to know, that these things in life are more than series of “coincidences and luck”. Nothing is RANDOM. Everything is connected on a grid much bigger than what you or I can see.

I was not lucky when I lost alot of my close friends in life to drug addictions, or my brother and close friends were blown up in a suicide bombing. I was not lucky when the van I was caught on fire going 80’s mph down hill in Canada without a back wheel and a snapped axle… and I could go on about some pretty gnarly stories.

I was however blessed with surviving those things and alot more, and blessed my brother survived even tho he had to learn how to walk and talk again, he lived. I was blessed that our drummer Robby noticed his brain tumor in time and that surgery was available and so technologically advanced that all he lost was some of his hearing during a BRAIN SURGERY. I see life thru a much different sense of lenses. I think some people who can only see things in tangibles will have a very hard time grasping what I mean. They will say things to me like “Well Danny, the sky is blue, and the grass is green, and thats the way it is” and I will reply ” No, the sky is not always blue, the grass is not always green and these things are not one dimensional. You are not one dimensional, our planet and solar system are not one dimensional so how can you allow yourself to stay in this box where you live a one dimensional life that is so structured, that you maintain a life of trying to force that structure on a daily business. The energy you spend in that, is futile. You will not ever be able to keep up with that resistance of what is UNNATURAL, so fighting the will of something with infinite power that you cannot control is ludicrous. Not saying, that you shouldn’t be David and stand up to your Goliath’s in life, but a wise person knows how to read and understand Goliath and utilize him for a much bigger purpose”

This leads me to my beanie. I know, Danny, your a ranter, you go off on tangents and its hard to keep up. My brain is like that tho. Its moving at the speed of life and passion and I am writing as I am thinking. Not planning anything more than what I feel. It comes out just like that.

So this beanie I have, I found in my house after a party. I never could find its owner and I loved it, so I washed it and took it around the world with me. I never even really ever wore beanies. I just fell in love with this one and slowly and surely it became my companion. For some reason or another, just like it was left at my house, this beanie would come up missing ALL THE TIME in so many different countries and places, on ships, planes and it became very frustrating because I had such an affection for this silly hat made out of fabric. WHY? Why is this thing so important to me? I have no fricking clue! Ha! Its so odd, but it did. It somehow, worked its way into my heart.

Some times, I would think this thing was gone forever and a person would be all “hey you left it at the bar” or “Hey, i found your beanie in my yard” My beanie is like the fricking Traveling Gnomes!

So we had a BBQ the other day and it was a long BBQ, lots of partying. All close friends and I woke up and cleaned the house spotless with my buddies. Noticing, my beanie had evaded me once again. I looked everywhere for it. Under pillows, couches, in drawers, even in the frig!

It was consuming me, where could this thing be and why was it not in my possession. I own this thing, its MINE, my precious! Who stole it? Maybe someone thru it in the trash? Did my neighbors who came over, that I dont really know well take it? I started to question peoples good hearts, and my friends, wondering if it was a prank, or did someone steal it to teach me a lesson, god I dont even know but my heart was getting anxious over a stupid fricking BEANIE!

I looked one last time residing that it was probably in the trash I was willing to go thru every nasty trash bag to find it. I realized… Danny, your fricking crazy. You have the money to buy a new one if you want one, you have friends in the industry who will GIVE you one, what are you tripping on??? I am tripping on the fact that I like this smelly, brown, oversized to big for my head beanie!

After the frustration, anger, heartbreak haha, of losing this thing and the epic battle of it being like breaking up with your girlfriend. I let it go. I said my peace and realized something “I NEVER OWNED THIS THING IN THE FIRST PLACE” it was never mine. So why should I sit her pretending like I own it, and why be mad. I should be stoked that I had it for as long as I did and it whatever strange little sick way, this thing made me happy for the time it was with me.

In much respect, I would like for you all to look at your own lives and apply what I just in that last sentence to things that are troubling your heart. The loss of a family member or friend who is no longer with us. The breakup your went thru or are currently going thru. The frustration of knowing that you cant fix these things on your own, or bring people back who are gone. When you can rest at night in peace knowing, that you were blessed to have these things, that are not even really yours, your life will be open up to another level of living. Think of it kinda like a video game where you are stuck on a level, and your just not getting that last part. Why is it not connecting. Why do I not feel like im advancing in life. Why am I so confused about my life.

Try APPLYING certain things I am suggesting. I have gone thru hell and back with Oddy Murphy as the saying goes, and I am only telling you what has enriched my life and made me more blessed for it, and helped me get thru some intense things that I never thought I could overcome.

This story really has nothing to do with the beanie. Its about attaching yourself to things in life that do not GROW you. Whether its drugs, material possessions, sex just to be having sex, and other things that are done without moderation to fulfill a big HOLE inside of you. The beanie, was just a small inanimate object that came out of nowhere and blessed me with some new insight I was searching for, for a few years and “Bleep Bloop Boop, video game sound” I have arrived at the next level in my journey and damn it feels so fricking good. I have been waiting for this moment for a loooooong ass time, and isnt that how life is…

The small things are what matter the most, and enlighten you the greatest. The things that you want, are not always the things that you need. The things that you need, are always provided for you if you can just humble yourself and allow them to come in.

I dont know how I am going to end this so I was just slowly type my way out into the sunset and say… peace!

Things You Should & Shouldn’t Do…

#1

Family of Bears

You probably shouldn’t do this to your children. Yes, the baby is cute, but this is absurd.

#2

New Cement Life

You probably should move into this thing. Its cozy, small, im sure rent is pennies on the dollar. In this bad economy, this will save your A$$.

#3

The Poo Family

You probably shouldn’t have thought that the family’s picture above was rad, cause now look what you did… Poor little Tigger, if he only knew.

#4

Whoa!

You probably should slow your roll buddy. Its going to be very hard for you in the future when you stop wearing all that make up and digging holes in your face. Jobs pay bills.

#5

Whoa Once Mo...

You probably shouldn’t stop doing what your doing. The black lipstick is very becoming of you.

#6

Foxy Lady

You probably should give me a call. I cook, I clean, I kiss feet, suck toes… you get the picture. Holla at ya boy!

#7

Ha

You probably shouldn’t have been smoking that crack rock when before going into the tattoo shop.

#8

Flush Please

You probably should learn to flush. I travel alot, and I am really tired of you guys leaving behind little “treats” for me at the airport, or in bars when I am passing thru. If your “upper decking“, its all good. For you girls, since you dont poop or fart. Please refer to the “poop stork” I invented this mythological creature who takes your poop away when you say a little prayer.

#9

Yummm

You probably shouldn’t pass this yummy treat up. I know what your brain is telling you it could be, what it may be, what it is? Let your mouth do the walking. If you need recipes … Yummmmm

Lastly #10

Nerds

You probably, like me, should get off the computer and go out and enjoy this wonderful day. I can feel myself getting fatter by the minute sitting on my butt writing this blog… off to the beach I go.

What are some of the things you think people should or shouldn’t do? Leave it in the comments.