Why Your Relationships Never Work Out (the response to why you’re not married)

So, I recently read and re-posted this article on my personal Facebook that I feel is so incredibly well written called: Why You’re Not Married and the response was OVERWHELMING to say the least. I could not believe how many women actually not only agreed with this article as much as I did, but how many were humbled and admitted to being apart of the reasons listed for why they weren’t married. Now to clear things up for those of you who do not like or agree with the concept of marriage itself because of your spiritual, personal, religious or emotional beliefs, lets just go ahead and remove the word “Marriage” from what I am about to write. I personally enjoy the idea of marriage however I am a realist and I know that a piece of paper and a ring will never represent that emotional and spiritual soul connection I will have the woman I choose to spend the rest of my life with so, the word itself is irrelevant, however more importantly is the action of committing ones self to a life partner, male, female, gay, straight, penguins, animals, aliens…

This is my interpretation for why males struggle to maintain a solid relationship. This does not apply to all males but one of these applies to alot of people and for a few people who are all of these below, well…. haha, i dont know what to say to that. Let it also be known that I, the stone thrower has been one or all of these things at one point in time in my life but I chose to fight through my immaturity and eventually become the man, I feel that I can be proud of one day.

Why Your Relationship Never Works Out – For Males

1. You’re a Douchebag.

Lets face it. Your ego is bigger than a whales vagina and you think your shit doesn’t stink. You say the same things to the same girls and you often forget to check your mutual friends on facebook and then it hits you… when one of the girls you are trying to “hook up” with says… “Ummm…. so how do you know Sherry”… because you basically copied and pasted the same thing you said to Donna, to Sherry and she’s really now testing you to see how Dumb you are on top of being a douchebag. You lie and say something stupid which proves that you really are a douchebag and now you not only missed out on Donna & Sherry but any chick that ever comes into their personal & facebook radius because trust me, woman like to talk, and on top of talking, they love to talk shit and so guess what buddy… you just 86’d yourself from all that “ass” you thought you were gonna get. You don’t care though, cause you’re a douchebag and there are a “million other bitches” out there.

There are 2 types of douchebags. Ones with jobs and ones without. The ones with try and use their “status” or “titles” to lure chicks in, and any chick who falls for that = stupid. Come on ladies, havent you been taught better. A man’s money, position or power will never change the fact that he is still a douchebag. Maybe you are the latter and one of those guys who chose his girlfriend because she had money, her own apartment that one day you hoped you could weasel your way into for “free rent”. Maybe she works as a bartender at a bar so you always bring your friends in and hit her up for free drinks and then brag about that too while you still try to score “ass” in her bar. You are a douchebag, noone wants a douchebag and if you meet a woman who does, please wear rubbers, we do not need any more of you.

2. You’re a Dick

You call women and refer to women as “bitches” or “hoes”. You think that women are just walking vaginas so when you see one, you not only struggle to keep your penis in your pants but you struggle to do simple and basic things that all men should do, like:

1. tell that woman she is beautiful 2. get the door for her or 3. any nice gesture that a guy is supposed to do for a woman who is deserving of that attention. To also defend my men, I must say, that not all woman deserve that kind of attention because some women fall into the category of what Tracy said in her article “You’re a bitch” and we aren’t talking about like “shes a woman so shes a bitch” were talking about “that is a very unpleasant shitty woman who is acting in an incredibly bitchy way” kind of “bitch” and in this case… the squeaky wheel should get no oil.

3. You’re a Whore.

I say this to alot of people. “Why be EVERYONES something, when you can one person’s EVERYTHING”. Sounds “gay” right. Well, I’ve got news for you. If thats “gay” then throw me in a hotdog factory cause I want to be one persons everything. I would love to have one person who I could say the same thing about. When you are young, we all get it. You are still looking for what feels, tastes and smells right. You can’t find the best tomato by just grabbing from the top. Sometimes you have to feel around, dig and get dirty to find the one you wanna take home to mom and dad. No one wants the bruised mushy ones. However… alot of people settle. If you are nearing your mid-late 20’s and you are still trying to be a “playa” and hit up as much “ass” as possible you are only fooling one person buddy… YOURSELF. All the scallywags you keep bringing home to “bone” and then bragging to your roomates about won’t change the fact that you are insecure and lonely and trying to fill holes in your life by putting your penis in them isnt going to change that. Man up, stop acting like a slut and start valuing yourself as more than just a dude with a shared penis. Its probably nothing to brag about anyway. If excitement to you is walking out of planned parenthood with a clean record because you were sweating balls over those razor burns which were actually from shaving your balls to close, you have an issue. You have more of an issue if you are too much of a puss to even go down to planned parent hood and you use your last hookup’s “std test” as your own and then you tell other chicks that you’re “Clean”. haha… riiiiiiiigght. How can you expect to find a woman who will respect you as a man when you are still fooling around like a little boy.

4. You’re Acting Like A Woman

You cry when she cries. You complain and throw temper tantrums if she gets upset or does something you don’t approve of. News to you buddy, she is going to do alot of shit you dont like, she’s a woman, they do what they want… all the time. Women don’t want a man who acts like a bitch, They want a man who acts like….. A man DUH! Sure, they want you to be sensitive and console them when they are insecure, down or their nail broke, whatever it is, but you can’t just go whining and complaining too. There is no yin or yang in that. No even level. One person has to be strong while the other is weak and vice versa because after all, relationships are work. How can you expect one person to do ALL THE WORK. It is honestly a give and take but it does not have to be hard like everyone says. Relationships can easily be seamless with slight hiccups and work fluidly. You just need to stop being a bitch and stop getting your period every time she gets upset. Men used to be warriors on and off the battle field, not just on Xbox.

5. You’re Insensitive

You just dont give a shit. So when an issue arrises your first response is defensive and destructive and you throw a bitch fit and then try and fix everything when she is crying uncontrollably. At this time, she is thinking that you really are a dick and a douchebag so you anything you say or do at this moment, hugging, petting her hair and telling her you are sorry really isnt worth a grain of salt. You may get away with this for the first few times but if you are repeat offender, she will start to believe you really just are full of shit and the minute a woman stops feeling like she can trust you or that you care, is the minute she starts to open up the possibility that all these other dudes who hit her up at work, on the street, in yoga class maybe a better option to entertain then your insensitive ass. Women are incredibly cerebral. They want to be wined, dined and romanced for the rest of their lives because they have been pre-programmed into this disney fairy tale princess life they think is a reality here on earth. More importantly, a woman can do without the wining and dining as long as you can make her feel like 1. You understand her 2. You respect her and 3. The biggest one of all, that you APPRECIATE her. Remember that job in high school that you hated cause they treated you like shit. Well, what do you think your lady feels?

6. You’re Useless

You have convinced yourself that you have no value and because of that no real woman will want to have anything to do with you. Women are complicated in many aspects but if you ask 5 women what they want you will get pretty much the same answers. Its pretty simple. Here they are:

Time:

Women want your time. Not your Xbox time, not your lets go on a date but then you invite your friends time. They want YOU. They chose YOU and if you love her, you should be grateful she chose your smelly, unorganized, unkempt ass in the first place. She loves you dude. How hard is it to give her some undivided attention? If it helps you out…. when you stop, someone else will. Trust me. Your penis wont get you out of this one, it goes much deeper then your penis can penetrate. Put your phones away, turn off the Xbox, and go for a walk, get a couple of beers and sit out at the beach or a scenic spot. Remove yourself from everything except her. After all, you chose her too so make the most of it.

Appreciation:

Women want to know you appreciate the little things they do for you. They want to feel valued and apart of who you are at all times. They don’t want to have to read your facebook wall to know how your day was. Communicating with them is a way that shows you appreciate them. Love notes hidden in all the little drawers of their ridiculous make up case murders them. Try it, see if you dont get tackled trying to leave for work, see if you dont get more than a tackle and get your pickle tickled nawwwaaadaimsaying!!! word! Show them in more than just the easy way out i.e. buying flowers etc. Go get them a plant that you both mutually water to share in the growth of your relationship. Dead flowers aka Roses, are still killers but think outside the box too. Show ingenuity!

Understanding:

Let them know you respect and understand them. Especially when they are angry. The more you get upset, the more they freak out. All women have a kill switch and I have learned it. When she freaks out, you just look at her like the strong man you are and you SHUT UP and listen. Listening shows that you understand her. When she has a problem with a solution that you cannot find dont automatically get defensive and shut down. Let her know that you understand that she is upset and you both will find a solution together. You create a team scenario and then bam, it kills the anger 9 times out of 10 unless you are the reason for her being angry, then… run for your life. Seriously tho, be calm, be strong, listen, nod your head alot but not pacify, to show you are listening and offer her your help, if she doesnt want it, oh well…you put it out there.

Fun:

Remember what bait you used to catch her? You need to keep using that to keep her in your fishtank. She wants that fun exciting guy she fell in love with. Not this meatloaf that stopped being fun who just sits around wasting away. Stop being a meatloaf. Get up, get out and get something. Take your woman on ride around the block. Try a new place to eat. Go with her to get a mani-pedi and fool, stop telling yourself mani-pedi’s are “gay” because that shit is the BOMB! Especially when they massage your calves. Seriously tho… stop being a meatloaf.

Simple & Kind Gestures of Love & Affection:

Really simple men. Right back to appreciation. If you get down here, just go right back to the top. Show her you care. Make her dinner, breakfast. Write her a song, a poem, a letter. Make her a gift. What are you good at? Ok, whatever that is, she obviously appreciates that about you because she chose you, so take that talent in whatever it is that you do and make it work to benefit your lady. You work in a coal mine… figure out how to shine that dirty fucker into a gem, go down to the ring store and get a nice and cheap (not too cheap) band and have it put on her finger and a symbol of your love for her. Tell her that every day your in that mine smelling dudes farts and collecting coal, you see some coal and it make you happy cause you think of her. Girls LOVE that shit.

My point is… you are a man, you are half dumb because we are just made that way but the other half is pretty awesome and creative, so use some of it to stoked out your lady and see if it dont change the predicament you keep finding yourself in. Stop being so damn macho and listening to your stupid single friends (who cant land a REAL woman) for relationship advice and start looking at yourself. You may discover that behind all that tough exterior, somewhere inside of you really did wanna lean back and cry during The Notebook and go “damn, i want that”. You may discover that all this talk about calling everything that has to do with feelings “gay” is actually making you more like a lady, then the dudes who want to be ladies. You may finally realize that you cant do everything alone and why the hell would you want to anyway. Nothing in life is worth having if you cant share it. Money, A Home, A Memory and most of all Love. See if Love doesnt show you how hard it is to be a real man. Not just another boy who claims to be one.

– Danny