Dear Jaymi…

Many years ago we met but it was only in passing. You were not present in my life the way you are now however you managed to trickle in every so often through emails. A passing note, “how are you”, “life is good” … “ok be well” was pretty much the extent and that continued for years. Literally, years.

Around 2010 you and I were both on the verge of life changing events. Little did we know, we were going through the same type of ordeal. You were in a relationship for around 10 years with the man you thought you were going to marry and I was breaking up with the woman I thought I was meant to be with.

I remember always respecting the fact that you had a bf and I never made any attempts to dissuade you from that. Of course I thought you were beautiful, but the timing was just not right.

I happened to start an idea in 2011 with some friends about creating a tattoo convention in Hawaii. Another life changing event for me. I was set to fly back home (Hawaii) where you live to start getting things in motion. I decided to come for Christmas and leave shortly after the New Year. Little in my life was concrete. I wasn’t sure what direction my life was moving in. I wasn’t sure where I was going to end up but I have always had faith that God was and is always lighting my path.

Somehow during that time of coming home we reconnected again… through email. You were at the end of your relationship but had said that your heart was out of it a long time before that. I knew the feeling and could totally reciprocate. Ironically, you and I had NEVER formally met in person which always intrigued me. “Who is this woman? Why is she so mysterious and intriguing to me?”

We decided that we should finally meet…

In late January we set a time and place. I invited you to Lanikai, the beach I grew up on. I wanted to share with you something that was really special to me. There is this house, that I have been sitting in front of since I was 15. Its always been a dream of mine to own it. It looks right out to the Islands and I have consumed myself with visions of remodeling it, building onto it, raising a family there. One day, I believe it may be possible.

The afternoon we met, we stayed to watch the sunset. We ended up talking all night. So much that in between trying to stay awake we ended up witnessing the sunrise. To this day, I don’t think I have ever seen a more beautiful sunrise. I remember telling you that I have seen many from this vantage point, but never one like this. Sometimes, its more than just the visual that create a crazy sense and aura of something so special you can’t put your finger on it and that morning was one I will always remember.

That morning, I was positive that something in me changed because of you. That feeling of uncertainty overwhelmed me and thoughts like “Danny, you live in California, she lives in Hawaii, its not going to work, the timing is off” and “she just got out of a relationship of 10 fricking years… DONT DO IT” consumed my mind. Something kept telling me though…”she’s different… she’s to different to be like the rest, don’t let her go”. So I extended my trip so I could stay a little longer than I was supposed to but unfortunately, our time was cut short and I had to go back to California.

While in California the only thing we could do, was go back to what we knew how to do from the start… communicate via email, but thankfully because of technology, we were able to Skype and send kissy face pics to one another as well.

I remember coming home and feeling like I was missing apart of me. Obviously, that was you. I would joke that you should just move to California already to which you would reply and laugh “yeaaaaaah … no thanks. Have fun with that. Im gonna stay in Hawaii, I’ve already done the Cali thing” I have to admire that its one of the things I love about you. You know what you want and you don’t really deviate from that. I still would slip the thought in your mind in almost every conversation tho. Planting the seed =)

In the time I was home, I started a business with some of my friends. We came up with the idea to bring a tattoo convention to Hawaii. Who knew if it would be a success or not but it was always my dream to have a business in Hawaii so that I had a reason to go home a lot while making money. This new goal had its perks because you instantly became a motivator for me. “If i start a business and it does well, i get to see Jaymi a lot!” So that helped.

We talked about meeting up for Valentines day that year but it just wasn’t possible. You had mentioned that I should come to Hawaii for your birthday April 13th which is actually, the day after my fathers birthday (April 12th). That sounded awesome! I could kill 2 birds with one stone but the reality was that it probably wasn’t possible. I knew I had to be back in the summer but I didn’t think I could take off any sooner. Well… I found a way to make it work, but I didn’t want you to know so for weeks I had you believing it wasn’t possible and of course, you were really sad about it. You kept sending me pictures of your sad face, so I told you that I would start swimming a week before your birthday because it would probably take me that long to get to you.

I flew in and didn’t tell anyone I was leaving or coming so that I could surprise you and I took pictures on the beach we met, so that it appeared as if I really swam home to you…

I realize now, that I probably didn’t swim with glasses but when you texted me “where are you!?!?!” and I said “where you left me” I knew that I scored some huge bf points so the glasses didn’t matter =)

We also go to celebrate my fathers birthday and I remember being so stoked at how well my friends and my family started to take you in. I remember leaving one night and my dad said “I love you two” and I looked at him like “did i just seriously here my hard as nails father say I love you 2″…. holy cow, he really did. Crazy!

You are the ONLY woman I have ever brought home that my father has said he loved. Thats pretty cool. All my friends would tell me the same thing. “I really like her man, she’s very quiet, but I like her”. Helped me confirm what I already knew… that you are awesome.

So… the love commenced and we did a lot of this…

Before you knew it… summer was here! The tattoo expo was happening and all the handwork had paid off. It was a HUGE success. We knocked a grand slam on our 1st year. You were so amazing and supportive during that entire time. You also organized and handled all the photography all 3 days doing 14 hour days and then coming home and editing them for the people to see. Just a true professional with passion for her craft. We had an amazing summer and I extended it for as long as I could but then eventually… yep, you guessed it. I had to go back to Cali. Before I did that tho, I made sure to get as much of this in as possible…

While making sure to take pictures of you while you slept because Im a creep and I love you and you look like an angel when you do. I wanted to remember you like this for when I was back in California.

I landed back in LA and felt even more confused. I knew I was meant to be around you all the time. The one thing I always loved about us is that every morning, all day and before bed we would always communicate. Little “i love yous” “i hope your day is going great” or funny pics. It helped ease the pain of being away. So did this… Our good friends Skype…

(ps. When you smile like that, its my favorite. Your nose crinkles and you giggle with so much intensity. Its when I know you are your most happy.)

Christmas 2012 was approaching and I thought it would be amazing if you could come and meet the rest of my family. They had heard me talk so much about you so it only made sense. You hopped on a plane and met me in California where you could start to get to know my Cali friends and we got to see some beautiful sunsets together and hang out at the beach freezing our Hawaiian butts off. I like taking pictures of you taking pictures of things. You are here in your element capturing life.

We hopped in my car and made the long and boring trek up the 5 thru the smelly cow fields. It reminded me a lot of tour because I can’t even remember how many times I’ve taken this same road to wherever we were going but it was so nice to share the drive with you and Roscoe, who you adopted as your son. My dog. We were becoming a family.

We got up to Sacramento and you got to meet my brother, his family as well as my cousin and his family and my Aunt and Uncle, all of whom “fell in love with you”. You seem to have this effect on people. Here is a pic of you and Gabriel.

We spent a little time with them and then took our journey to my families cabin in Lake Tahoe to spend our first Christmas together just you and I. What happened next was hilarious. We got caught in a snow storm. My windshield wiper broke and we didn’t have chains on my tires.

We slowly while skidding a lot found our way to a gas station. We bought some nylon and some chains. We were already so far on our way that we said “f$% it, we aren’t turning around. We came this far, we are going to make it work” We tied the nylon to the windshield wiper and stuck one end in each window and turned the heat on full blast. You pulled one side down and I pulled it back to the left. It was hilarious and also very stupid haha. So not safe. We got chains put on by some dude who belonged in the Lord of The Rings and I don’t think he liked us much. Anyhow, we made it through this crazy snow storm and finally got to the cabin and it was pitch black. What was lame was that the snow berm was 6 feet high and there was no walking path to the cabin. This was my time to “be a man”. I trudged through the snow all the way to the door which was no easy task, and let you in. I found a shovel and spent the next 2-3 hours digging us out a parking spot and walk way and you were awesome. You bundled up and came out and helped with what you could. We had a snowball fight. We eventually went in and just hung out by the fire before realizing that there is only one thing to do when its 0 degrees outside…. Get buttnaked and run out into the wilderness and then run back as fast as we could. So we did. Why? Im still not sure of why but it was a lot of fun and really spontaneous. The next day… we made this.

This is us at the cabin…

The reason why this whole trip was so special to me was because we faced another massive snow storm when we left and they started closing the roads but we kept going. We had faith and its very symbolic. We weathered those storms, we did it together and we kept going. We made it work. Sound familiar?

After this amazing trip, I had to send you back on your way. Heartbroken to have such a great time and watch you go again. The good thing is that I would have to come back soon because of business. So I did, for valentines day and I made you a candlelit dinner on the roof. The wind didn’t like the candles and the awkward angle of the rood made it hard to lay down after and watch the stars but we rocked it anyhow.

Now that I was home, we got in as much of this as possible!

We also went to a couple of weddings and really fun parties where we got to dress up and I must say… we look damn good together…

 

We also moved into a beautiful little cottage where we got to practice living together. That! Was amazing. You are the easiest person ever to live with. Im surprised people don’t just ask you to live with them since you are so rad. You could be a professional roommate.

All of that summer was incredible. It was like a blur! The 2nd tattoo show happened and it was bigger than the 1st year. Life was better than ever. I had you, I had my dog in Hawaii, I had my friends and family and we got visited by some old friends and guess what, they loved you too! Chris would text me “we love jaymi, don’t screw it up”

But like all the other times… sadly I had to leave again but not without a few more fun days with you.

So back to this we went…

Which btw is the next best thing since you couldn’t physically be with me.

Life continued on. I worked and worked and kept hinting that you should really consider moving here. Somehow I actually wore you down! I don’t know how it happened but you said “ok, ill do it”. I was in shock… “ok she’s really gonna do this. This is for real. we are gonna live together for real. we have to make this work, like… for real” haha.

You weren’t sure when you could come and with Christmas approaching you begged me to come back home but I couldn’t. I had to much on my plate and I was leaving to Costa Rica right after Christmas with some friends. That was my very first Christmas without any family around. Very strange but humbled and like you said “all my choice” I stayed to myself this year to gather myself. Sometimes I need that.

Shortly after Christmas I was headed to central America. I landed in Costa Rica and all I could think about was how much I wanted you there with me. So… I sent you pics to make you smile…

I was set to arrive on the 14th of January and my buddy Chris was going to pick me up. Little did I know, you and Chris had a secret up your sleeve. You were telling me you would def be able to move out to Cali right before Valentines Day but not sooner. I understand and it gave me time to get the “nest” ready for you. So I got on my flight and we headed back to LAX where Chris picked us up and we Iced him with a Smirnoff which he was def not stoked about. When we got to his house we totally thought there was an Ice waiting for us so we proceeded through his house with caution. He asked us to stay and have a couple beers and we did altho I honestly could not wait to crawl into bed and bury my head in my pillows. About 30 mins went by and I was ready to go but somehow he managed to make stay a little longer before walking in the house and walking out with you as he said “I have a surprise for you”

Everything at that moment hit me and you saw my face. I was completely speechless. The thought running through my mind went something like this “oh my god, its jaymi. she’s really here. theres no more talking, she actually made the move, check mate” My eyes glazed up because its what we had been talking about since we met. 2 years of talking about this and here it was.

Since you have been here in California, its been amazing. I love waking up to you. I love falling asleep with you every night. I love making you smile, making dinner for you. I love sharing my soul with you and I am so grateful that you do to. At the end of the day. Im a super weird awkward dude who happens to have a few cool gifts that make me seem a little cool.

This is how i feel around you. Like a weird dude who takes pictures with Chickens for his high school photo.

The reality is that you are way to beautiful and smart to be sticking around a guy like me but you humor me and do it anyway. I am so grateful for you. Roscoe is so lucky to have a momma like you. My family and friends are so grateful for you to come into my life so I don’t seem like such a derelict and we are all better for it.

I mean look at you! So beautiful!

Lastly… the fact that you could look me into the eyes last night when I told you… “baby, i love you and I know that tomorrow is valentines day, but Uncle George (who is like a father to me) is dying and this will be his last one. I want us to spend it with him, I promise Ill make it up to you…” instead of being upset, you totally understood what that meant to me and you said “should we make him something, lets go be with him”

It showed me that for this reason and many more, you are not like any other woman I have ever met. You are so past the trivial. You understand the value in future, family, love and all that things that mean more in life. You waste no time on the things that are of little value. You are supportive, you rarely complain unless you are out of chips or starbucks isn’t close by. I think I can deal with that. So…

I love you Jaymi,

Happy Valentines Day my love, my heart, my boo. I am so happy to have you in my life.

– Danny ( the awkward chicken picture dude)

Self Perception

Something I have never really shared with anyone but myself is something I have struggled with for over 10 years.

Alot of people assume that in order to have a weight problem, you need to have alot of weight. In actuality there are many weight disorders physically and mentally. One that I have always struggled with is my personal appearance in the way that I see myself weight wise.

In reality, i am 5’10 and my weight fluctuates from 165-170. Im bordering on the “athletic-average” line however when I see myself in the mirror, its not always representative with what I know is true on the scale. I don’t see myself as this massive blob, but what I see is not what others see and its something that in reality, i think we all struggle with at one moment in time. I have incredibly skinny friends who feel they are fat and heavier friends that think they are 115lbs soaking wet. Anyhow, this is something I have always dealt with.

Its one reason I have always connected and felt close to “larger” people. I think because deep down inside of me, i understand their fear. “Will this fit me right” “is this part of my stomach showing” “why cant my chin be defined and chiseled” etc. I know this sounds crazy as hell coming from me because noone assumes or knows anything about my insecurities but I feel compelled to share them with you because we all have something that holds us back a little. Its not just weight, it can be many things. Anyhow…

People dont know this, but thats why I have always had a slight beard. Its why I never post shots of my face from the side. Mainly because what you see, I don’t, and what you dont see, I do.

It eats at me and I hate it but when you have a perception disorder like I do, its something you learn to deal with. I fight my thoughts by knowing that in reality I am not this overweight blob and my “disorder”, if you will is something I can control only because I was also born with an overwhelming amount of confidence in myself.

Have you ever met a big person who walked into the room like, “i dont give one single fuck, im here to rock, i got this and you cant stop me”? That confidence is what gets people like myself through life even when my insecurities get the best of me. I still find myself second guessing everything I put on so i have a closet of clothes on the floor that are freshly washed but I couldn’t get myself to “ok” them so they ended up in a clothing graveyard.

You may have noticed that I wear the same shit almost daily. Not really the same thing unwashed everyday ha, but if i find a brand shirt that fits me and i feel good in it, i get like 10 of those shirts. My pants I usually wear a couple times because i hate that new wash tightness that comes after cleaning them. I also get a few pairs of those. Socks and underwear i changes daily because hey, who has to see those?

I know alot of you may find this really funny, and or, you think im a nut job. The truth is, im a little of both. It is funny because noone really should give a crap about what other people think and honestly, i really don’t. I care more about what I think and feel about myself but I also have been a figure in the public eye for half of my life. I started doing commercial and tv when I was a teenager, then I got into music and spent 12 years of my life doing that, while still jumping in and out of TV work. You find out how “fat” you really think you are on tour and at auditions haha. It seems like almost everyone looks “perfect” in that world.

Anyhow, I was in the shower when I started writing this in my head because thats my most honest place with myself. It also happens to be the best place to write music and think about ways to take over the world. I figured it has always been in my heart to share what I think and feel with YOU, because you are my friends and family and this is something I struggle with. I never share my heart wanting sympathy. I only wish to share because some of you out there are “bigger” than the “normal” or “average” person and I want you to know that I love you deeply. I love all of you, the skinny ones too. We have been bonded by more than my music which is how most of you found me and my bandmates, but by our souls and our true love and respect for one another.

I will leave you with this. Some asshole made a video about me on youtube years back, and he rewrote a song I wrote and made it all about “fat girls” at our shows and in the video he had pictures of me hugging larger girls and honestly, it really hurt. Not so much for myself because everyone knows our shows are and were incredibly diverse. We had every ethnicity, every body type, every sexuality at our shows. It hurt me deeply because I did not want one of those beautiful ladies to stumble upon a video of hatred and see themselves and be torn apart even further. I tear myself apart often while dealing with myself, but its really hard when someone else who doesnt understand you tears you further.

People like us are constantly learning how to blend, and mend and make do with what we have. Somethings are just a little harder for us, whether its mentally or physically, and in some cases like mine, just because it doesnt look like its not there, does not mean that it doesnt exist. Its real to me and that what matters and I learn to fight it and I am a warrior because of it.

So to that person, who’s strength comes from behind a computer screen, who’s gutless cheap shots come from a spineless vessel that limps in life and knows no battle but throws spears down from his 30 foot high cemented in fortress, that low scum sucking selfish ignorant callous clamoring gong. I want to tell you that deep down inside I feel all those things for you but I am always recalled to tell you that I love you too and I hope you find piece in whatever it is you struggle with. I hope that you never have to feel what some of us feel when we look at ourselves and see something different.

For all of you out there that enjoyed this blog of honesty and truth, you can all kiss My Fat Ass. =) I mean that affectionately of course.

– Danny

Why Your Relationships Never Work Out (the response to why you’re not married)

So, I recently read and re-posted this article on my personal Facebook that I feel is so incredibly well written called: Why You’re Not Married and the response was OVERWHELMING to say the least. I could not believe how many women actually not only agreed with this article as much as I did, but how many were humbled and admitted to being apart of the reasons listed for why they weren’t married. Now to clear things up for those of you who do not like or agree with the concept of marriage itself because of your spiritual, personal, religious or emotional beliefs, lets just go ahead and remove the word “Marriage” from what I am about to write. I personally enjoy the idea of marriage however I am a realist and I know that a piece of paper and a ring will never represent that emotional and spiritual soul connection I will have the woman I choose to spend the rest of my life with so, the word itself is irrelevant, however more importantly is the action of committing ones self to a life partner, male, female, gay, straight, penguins, animals, aliens…

This is my interpretation for why males struggle to maintain a solid relationship. This does not apply to all males but one of these applies to alot of people and for a few people who are all of these below, well…. haha, i dont know what to say to that. Let it also be known that I, the stone thrower has been one or all of these things at one point in time in my life but I chose to fight through my immaturity and eventually become the man, I feel that I can be proud of one day.

Why Your Relationship Never Works Out – For Males

1. You’re a Douchebag.

Lets face it. Your ego is bigger than a whales vagina and you think your shit doesn’t stink. You say the same things to the same girls and you often forget to check your mutual friends on facebook and then it hits you… when one of the girls you are trying to “hook up” with says… “Ummm…. so how do you know Sherry”… because you basically copied and pasted the same thing you said to Donna, to Sherry and she’s really now testing you to see how Dumb you are on top of being a douchebag. You lie and say something stupid which proves that you really are a douchebag and now you not only missed out on Donna & Sherry but any chick that ever comes into their personal & facebook radius because trust me, woman like to talk, and on top of talking, they love to talk shit and so guess what buddy… you just 86’d yourself from all that “ass” you thought you were gonna get. You don’t care though, cause you’re a douchebag and there are a “million other bitches” out there.

There are 2 types of douchebags. Ones with jobs and ones without. The ones with try and use their “status” or “titles” to lure chicks in, and any chick who falls for that = stupid. Come on ladies, havent you been taught better. A man’s money, position or power will never change the fact that he is still a douchebag. Maybe you are the latter and one of those guys who chose his girlfriend because she had money, her own apartment that one day you hoped you could weasel your way into for “free rent”. Maybe she works as a bartender at a bar so you always bring your friends in and hit her up for free drinks and then brag about that too while you still try to score “ass” in her bar. You are a douchebag, noone wants a douchebag and if you meet a woman who does, please wear rubbers, we do not need any more of you.

2. You’re a Dick

You call women and refer to women as “bitches” or “hoes”. You think that women are just walking vaginas so when you see one, you not only struggle to keep your penis in your pants but you struggle to do simple and basic things that all men should do, like:

1. tell that woman she is beautiful 2. get the door for her or 3. any nice gesture that a guy is supposed to do for a woman who is deserving of that attention. To also defend my men, I must say, that not all woman deserve that kind of attention because some women fall into the category of what Tracy said in her article “You’re a bitch” and we aren’t talking about like “shes a woman so shes a bitch” were talking about “that is a very unpleasant shitty woman who is acting in an incredibly bitchy way” kind of “bitch” and in this case… the squeaky wheel should get no oil.

3. You’re a Whore.

I say this to alot of people. “Why be EVERYONES something, when you can one person’s EVERYTHING”. Sounds “gay” right. Well, I’ve got news for you. If thats “gay” then throw me in a hotdog factory cause I want to be one persons everything. I would love to have one person who I could say the same thing about. When you are young, we all get it. You are still looking for what feels, tastes and smells right. You can’t find the best tomato by just grabbing from the top. Sometimes you have to feel around, dig and get dirty to find the one you wanna take home to mom and dad. No one wants the bruised mushy ones. However… alot of people settle. If you are nearing your mid-late 20’s and you are still trying to be a “playa” and hit up as much “ass” as possible you are only fooling one person buddy… YOURSELF. All the scallywags you keep bringing home to “bone” and then bragging to your roomates about won’t change the fact that you are insecure and lonely and trying to fill holes in your life by putting your penis in them isnt going to change that. Man up, stop acting like a slut and start valuing yourself as more than just a dude with a shared penis. Its probably nothing to brag about anyway. If excitement to you is walking out of planned parenthood with a clean record because you were sweating balls over those razor burns which were actually from shaving your balls to close, you have an issue. You have more of an issue if you are too much of a puss to even go down to planned parent hood and you use your last hookup’s “std test” as your own and then you tell other chicks that you’re “Clean”. haha… riiiiiiiigght. How can you expect to find a woman who will respect you as a man when you are still fooling around like a little boy.

4. You’re Acting Like A Woman

You cry when she cries. You complain and throw temper tantrums if she gets upset or does something you don’t approve of. News to you buddy, she is going to do alot of shit you dont like, she’s a woman, they do what they want… all the time. Women don’t want a man who acts like a bitch, They want a man who acts like….. A man DUH! Sure, they want you to be sensitive and console them when they are insecure, down or their nail broke, whatever it is, but you can’t just go whining and complaining too. There is no yin or yang in that. No even level. One person has to be strong while the other is weak and vice versa because after all, relationships are work. How can you expect one person to do ALL THE WORK. It is honestly a give and take but it does not have to be hard like everyone says. Relationships can easily be seamless with slight hiccups and work fluidly. You just need to stop being a bitch and stop getting your period every time she gets upset. Men used to be warriors on and off the battle field, not just on Xbox.

5. You’re Insensitive

You just dont give a shit. So when an issue arrises your first response is defensive and destructive and you throw a bitch fit and then try and fix everything when she is crying uncontrollably. At this time, she is thinking that you really are a dick and a douchebag so you anything you say or do at this moment, hugging, petting her hair and telling her you are sorry really isnt worth a grain of salt. You may get away with this for the first few times but if you are repeat offender, she will start to believe you really just are full of shit and the minute a woman stops feeling like she can trust you or that you care, is the minute she starts to open up the possibility that all these other dudes who hit her up at work, on the street, in yoga class maybe a better option to entertain then your insensitive ass. Women are incredibly cerebral. They want to be wined, dined and romanced for the rest of their lives because they have been pre-programmed into this disney fairy tale princess life they think is a reality here on earth. More importantly, a woman can do without the wining and dining as long as you can make her feel like 1. You understand her 2. You respect her and 3. The biggest one of all, that you APPRECIATE her. Remember that job in high school that you hated cause they treated you like shit. Well, what do you think your lady feels?

6. You’re Useless

You have convinced yourself that you have no value and because of that no real woman will want to have anything to do with you. Women are complicated in many aspects but if you ask 5 women what they want you will get pretty much the same answers. Its pretty simple. Here they are:

Time:

Women want your time. Not your Xbox time, not your lets go on a date but then you invite your friends time. They want YOU. They chose YOU and if you love her, you should be grateful she chose your smelly, unorganized, unkempt ass in the first place. She loves you dude. How hard is it to give her some undivided attention? If it helps you out…. when you stop, someone else will. Trust me. Your penis wont get you out of this one, it goes much deeper then your penis can penetrate. Put your phones away, turn off the Xbox, and go for a walk, get a couple of beers and sit out at the beach or a scenic spot. Remove yourself from everything except her. After all, you chose her too so make the most of it.

Appreciation:

Women want to know you appreciate the little things they do for you. They want to feel valued and apart of who you are at all times. They don’t want to have to read your facebook wall to know how your day was. Communicating with them is a way that shows you appreciate them. Love notes hidden in all the little drawers of their ridiculous make up case murders them. Try it, see if you dont get tackled trying to leave for work, see if you dont get more than a tackle and get your pickle tickled nawwwaaadaimsaying!!! word! Show them in more than just the easy way out i.e. buying flowers etc. Go get them a plant that you both mutually water to share in the growth of your relationship. Dead flowers aka Roses, are still killers but think outside the box too. Show ingenuity!

Understanding:

Let them know you respect and understand them. Especially when they are angry. The more you get upset, the more they freak out. All women have a kill switch and I have learned it. When she freaks out, you just look at her like the strong man you are and you SHUT UP and listen. Listening shows that you understand her. When she has a problem with a solution that you cannot find dont automatically get defensive and shut down. Let her know that you understand that she is upset and you both will find a solution together. You create a team scenario and then bam, it kills the anger 9 times out of 10 unless you are the reason for her being angry, then… run for your life. Seriously tho, be calm, be strong, listen, nod your head alot but not pacify, to show you are listening and offer her your help, if she doesnt want it, oh well…you put it out there.

Fun:

Remember what bait you used to catch her? You need to keep using that to keep her in your fishtank. She wants that fun exciting guy she fell in love with. Not this meatloaf that stopped being fun who just sits around wasting away. Stop being a meatloaf. Get up, get out and get something. Take your woman on ride around the block. Try a new place to eat. Go with her to get a mani-pedi and fool, stop telling yourself mani-pedi’s are “gay” because that shit is the BOMB! Especially when they massage your calves. Seriously tho… stop being a meatloaf.

Simple & Kind Gestures of Love & Affection:

Really simple men. Right back to appreciation. If you get down here, just go right back to the top. Show her you care. Make her dinner, breakfast. Write her a song, a poem, a letter. Make her a gift. What are you good at? Ok, whatever that is, she obviously appreciates that about you because she chose you, so take that talent in whatever it is that you do and make it work to benefit your lady. You work in a coal mine… figure out how to shine that dirty fucker into a gem, go down to the ring store and get a nice and cheap (not too cheap) band and have it put on her finger and a symbol of your love for her. Tell her that every day your in that mine smelling dudes farts and collecting coal, you see some coal and it make you happy cause you think of her. Girls LOVE that shit.

My point is… you are a man, you are half dumb because we are just made that way but the other half is pretty awesome and creative, so use some of it to stoked out your lady and see if it dont change the predicament you keep finding yourself in. Stop being so damn macho and listening to your stupid single friends (who cant land a REAL woman) for relationship advice and start looking at yourself. You may discover that behind all that tough exterior, somewhere inside of you really did wanna lean back and cry during The Notebook and go “damn, i want that”. You may discover that all this talk about calling everything that has to do with feelings “gay” is actually making you more like a lady, then the dudes who want to be ladies. You may finally realize that you cant do everything alone and why the hell would you want to anyway. Nothing in life is worth having if you cant share it. Money, A Home, A Memory and most of all Love. See if Love doesnt show you how hard it is to be a real man. Not just another boy who claims to be one.

– Danny

Dodgeball in Heaven

So I am laying in bed last night and I was praying on Matthew who passed away recently. He was a 7 year old amazing child who was fighting cancer and I prayed that his “arrival” into heaven was met with lots of loving amazing people and my grandparents and friends we also there to take him in.

For some reason, it made me think of dodgeball when I was a kid. I was actually really good at dodgeball so I rarely got hit but when I did I remember walking out of the game and being met by teachers and friends who were there with smiling faces and they would pat you on the back for playing your heart out and you would sit out and watch the rest of the game take place.

Then I thought…

What if LIFE on earth is like a hardcore dodgeball match where your just getting everything thrown at you and your objective gives you a few options. Get hit, get out and watch the rest of the players go for the win. Dodge, bob and weave everything thats being thrown at you, pick it up and throw it back, or just stand there and get out without even trying.

What if LIFE in heaven is like the invisible “side line” where once your out, your greeted by all your passed friends and relatives and new friends who welcome you up with a box of popcorn, soda or beer of your choice and you get to sit down and watch the rest of the world play while cheering them on.

What if we knew you were up there cheering us on from the sidelines. We couldn’t hear you, we couldn’t see you but we could feel you in our hearts and every now and then when a “miracle” happened we just kinda knew it was you putting a little extra help on that cheer =)

I woke up this morning and one of the first things I read was from an old friend who posted on his facebook that he would be going back to living on the streets and he was grateful for the friends and family who put up with him. I thought about him and I thought about some people in my life who recently just passed away… Matthew, David and then I thought about all the people who affected me with their passing over the years… Alika, Darwin, Brandon, Todd, my grandparents, and a handful of others.

It made me smile because it boils down to this one thing. WE ARE STILL IN THE GAME.

Regardless of where we are at emotionally or financially, whether were on the street or in a multimillion dollar home. Life can throw a ball at you that changes your situation immediately. One minute your in, one minute your out. The only difference with Dodgeball is that after about 5 minutes you get to get back in. With life, once your out, your out for good.

Never forget that no matter where you are in life, you are sustained. I am going to leave with the opening lyrics of a song I wrote last year and havent recorded yet but I think of these lyrics every time I am in a rough spot.

“I am sustained, I shall not want the things, that only complicate me, I am sustained and I am getting stronger, I wont walk away, i promise to remain, in faith thats never fleeting, i promise to remain unchanged”

I hope those words impact you on a deeper level then just words in a wordpress blog. Your still in the game, so get out there and let whatever is hitting you or about to hit you, change you and make you stronger.

When it is time to give your body back to the earth, make sure you can do that with peace and make sure you never have regrets about how hard you played while you were in the game. You are sustained.

What do YOU want from this life…

In my constant desire to grow and understand not only myself, but the way the world works, the way the heart keeps in your chest, the way your brain doesnt somehow just explode in your head, I started to think deeply about a personal quote i left on facebook the other day.

“Regardless of where you are in your life at this moment. Remember a few things. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. For better or for worse, these moments come and dissolve into one another and nothing is constant except change. That should give you excitement in knowing that change is coming and with change, new beautiful things to embrace.”

I forgot to mention one VERY important thing. There is ONE more constant. God’s love. When I wrote that originally I left it out even tho I was being told to say it and not by any means am I ashamed at my beliefs and values but in my infantile state of mind at writing it, i found myself trying to be “relatable” on a grander scale I guess, but what is more relatable than LOVE and more so GOD’s LOVE for us.

I have spent the last 15 years of my life trying to be “relatable” I would get on a stage and travel the world playing for an uncountable amount of kids that I desperately wanted to relate to. I wanted to understand them, and I wanted them to understand me and in that pursuit I have always felt, if you are going leave something behind, let it be something they can never destroy and you will live forever. Save that quote in your heart my friends. Spread the word.

My gift to this world up until this point that will never be destroyed is my music, my love, my empathy, my ability to speak from my core. These things they can never take and the more you perpetuate what it is in YOU that is un-burnable, un-returnable, that is un-mistakable, you will find yourself a little more lost and confused but further along in your growth than you are able to perceive.

I believe truly with all my heart we ALL, everyone of us, YOU you and YOU, are born F14 Tomcat Fighter planes in the good fight which is LIFE. Our jobs, our economical situations, our ethnicities, our genders, our faults and our set backs are not what DEFINE us. Those things never will. We easily end up placing value on the things that are killing us rather than growing us. We place precedence on what we don’t have rather than what we do.

I am guilty of this too. As you grow and go through the various stages of your life, you will find that your mind, body and soul require more than what you have been allowing yourself to have. The minute you stop choosing to grow spiritually, emotionally and mentally, is the minute you have already gave him. Most women and men die at 25 and are buried at 75. Great quote! When did we stop believing in ourselves? When did we stop dreaming? When did we stop having faith in Gods love and plan for us?

In a way to relate even more to you I have lately for the first time in my life started to think about children and a family. My hearts desire is now gearing my mind and soul to wrap around the concept of creating life and having a beautiful family. I am not married, in a relationship or planning it here anytime soon, but you heart never lies. As i see pictures of my friends happily married with their beautiful children it tweaks my heart a bit and makes me think “I cannot wait to be an amazing husband, and a great father”. I think it is very important to be able to understand when your feeling ADMIRATION verse DESPERATION and JEALOUSY for what someone else. I never allow myself to look at someone with more money, or more style, or a marriage and COVET what they have. God has blessed me with everything I need right now and because my life is still early on and I have many years to go, I always have to remind myself that “Danny, you are not a microwave, you cannot put a wish and desire into your heart and have it pop out in a minute and 30 seconds. It will come, when it is time”

Anyhow, These thoughts about family never entered my mind space until the last 2 years when I realized that my potential to be these things really excites me. I feel up till now, I have accomplished more than I personally ever dreamed I would do at such a young age, and I am not done just yet however the next phase / pinnacle of my life is coming upon me saying “Danny, I am excited! What is next for you, show me!” and my fear lately has been like many of you “I DONT KNOW!!! Where is this life taking me!?” Right now, I am just trying to wrap my head around the transitions taking place for me right now.

That leads me to this. Where are YOU taking this life?

With all the potential that you possess but are unaware of, what are you doing to access that potential and why are you allowing all this distractions from keeping you from being GREAT!?

We all have our reasons but our reasons become excuses after awhile and after while those excuses become your life trait and that life trait will become your destiny. Will your destiny that you leave behind be one that says “i could have, should have, would have, but i didnt”? If so my friends, they will burn and return that and your mark will be nothing more than actions and words on deaf ears and blind eyes.

Your better than this! You know it, You have always felt it somewhere inside of you. Stronger on some days, very little on others but you always knew that little ember glowing inside of you just needed some wind to spark and ignite.

When you sit back away from your distractions, what is that your heart really desires? Is it a thing, a person, a place, a job, a lifestyle, sobriety, security? What is it in the bottom of your heart that helps you still believe life is worth waking up. What drives you?

I would like for you to leave in the comments below what it is that you want from this life. I would like to know a few things about you…

1. What do you feel, is your hearts desire at this moment in life?
2. What are you doing, or have you done to attain this desire?
3. What are you willing to sacrifice for this desire?
4. What are you not willing to sacrifice for this desire?
5. What do you feel you will attain by achieving this desire?

Really looking forward to your answers, would love to possibly help guide and steer some of you who need it, into the right directions. Until then… be well, be blessed xoxox

Tax Season – Getting the best refund on your soul

You guys know I never write a blog unless im compelled to. I dont think someone should be writing music or inspirational passages unless they have been compelled by god, the universe, an event or what have you that brings forth a natural organic feeling to share with the masses. Anything in life that is forced, just isn’t right in my opinion. Life is legit and it has already factored you in as an equation so why try to force the sum of all things to find the answer. LET IT BE.

That is what leads me to this blog actually. I have personally had a rough month. Along with all the many incredible blessings I have (traveling the world, not having a normal job, working for myself, building my little “empire” in life) I have many and let me emphasize MANY ups and downs. A lot of people tell me “Danny, you’re so lucky, your living the life I want, you’re doing this you’re doing that, your here, and then your there” To me… all I hear is “BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH”. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t wan’t that to sound arrogant or ungrateful, but hear me out.

I have no ego even though my confidence in who I am can appear as that to some, but those who know me genuinely know i am a very compassionate, empathetic modern hippy. So none of those “hand job” comments (genuine or not) cater to who or what I am. I appreciate them, but they serve no purpose to me. They serve more purpose to the person relaying and projecting that feeling on me. The more I began to sit back and think about it, especially in the month of march, with april coming around, meaning “TAX SEASON” it got me thinking…

Tax Season is when we go over our financial INS & OUTS of the year. We factor what came in as income and what went out as expenses. Some of us claim every penny and some of us don’t claim much at all so that we can keep more to ourselves, and not give as much to the IRS. That made me think a little deeper.

We spend only one month a year and truthfully, not even that, to go over our financial ins and outs, however not many of us, take even a moment to go over our emotional, spiritual, physical and mental ins and outs. So, in that thought, i decided to write an inspiration blog about your monthly SOUL TAX SEASON. Every month, should be SOUL TAX SEASON. What is this STS month? What does it mean to me?

It means that YOU aren’t f$^%&ing around any more with who YOU are and what YOUR self-worth is. It means that YOU arent negotiating any more with people who don’t benefit your life and make you a better person. It means that you only live 100 years (if your super stinking lucky) so lets just say 60 to be safe, and as your reading this your roughly already 1/4 of your way through your life and you’re sitting back going “WHY!?, why don’t I have the things I want, why don’t I have the things I deserve? Why are these things always happening to me!?!?” Or… maybe you do feel you have all the things you desire, and wanted. If so, you can stop reading right here, because you probably already figured it out. Congrats.

For the rest of you… this is why, and this is how. Were going to change all that right here, right now. No motivational speaking involved. Just straight up honesty from someone who has had absolutely nothing to start with, then everything in the middle, then everything taking away while I was at the finish line and now I believe I can have whatever I want to have, as long as I choose a path of honesty, integrity, i remain genuine to those around me, I calculate and make revisions monthly with who I am, who is in my life, and who is contributing to me becoming a better person and who is not.

Don’t think for one moment, that just because your calculating yourself, that others aren’t also calculating YOU within THEIR lives. It’s YOUR job as well, to make the people around you become better more efficient, loving and giving human beings.

We need to look at our lives daily but I understand that daily is much to consuming for most and so monthly SOUL MAINTENANCE is what I would recommend for those of you who are feeling like “I am constantly putting this out, and constantly getting these results”

If you choose to invest your time, money and soul efforts into ONE particular way of being, you will always get the same result. Make no mistake that the definition of repeating the same action while getting the same result and hoping for something different to happen because of the same action = CRAZY. Stop being crazy. You are not crazy, your just confused because you keep running in circles and they take you no where.

Have you ever thought that all you had to truly do was lift your head up, stop looking at your feet and tell yourself to just STOP WALKING IN CIRCLES. Did you ever think that maybe this whole time you have been following your FEET and not your HEART & MIND. Do you feel betrayed by your feet and where the have led you. Look deeper. This isn’t about your feet. Your feet are simply metaphors.

The point is that you will never get to where you want to be by following the wrong path. The people who are along for your ride can be either your greatest assets or your biggest downfall and you play that same role within their lives. Harmony is not the same as unity. You can tie the tails of a dog and cat to one another and you have created UNITY but I can assure you, HARMONY is not present during that moment.

We often keep people in our lives for various reasons but the biggest reason we are afraid to let people go when they are bad for us is our comfort zone. Human being have a major character flaw in which we place the word and feeling of FEAR in front of anything that means CHANGE, when instead the word and feeling EXCITEMENT should be there. Change is very good when calculated and planned out properly. Change is NOT good however when your firing from the hip and making emotional decisions based solely on feeling and not much thought. That is where you start chasing your feet again. How do you create HARMONY within the balance of your soul and get your feet following your heart and mind?

That is where I feel you must become the CSA of your life before you can become a CPA of the world. (CSA = certified self accountant, CPA = certified public accountant). I know I am corny with my little phrases and made up analogies but I truly know they apply. You must be able to look at your life and stop questions why, and starting doing NOW.

WISHERS ARE WAITERS. Stop wishing your life away. Stop waiting for results. START NOW, turning your dreams into reality. Remove the people who are cancerous to your production and to your well-being, even if they are your blood. Your true blue people in the world will understand and come back to you changed.

I had to walk away from my mother when I was 20 years old. We had a very bad relationship. It wasnt healthy and it was extremely toxic to my development and it really hurts to write this because I know she will read this, but my mother NOW is one of my closest and best friends I could ever have. I am so blessed to have in my life but I will never forget the day I jumped out of the car and told her to her face that I would cut her out of my life if she could not give me the love and support I needed to grow and become the man I believe I was meant to be. It’s a very powerful and earth-shaking action to do that to someone who gave you life on this earth but in my spiritual belief, my mother was just the bearer of my body on this earth much like a plant bearing a beautiful flower, and my belief is that GOD is my ultimate creator.

I am not going to get all religious on you but you must know where I am coming from when I am saying the rest of this.

To exact a dramatic change in your life, you must be willing to take extreme and drastic measures for YOUR life. No human being has the ability to control or own you. If you feel controlled or owned and powerless, it is not their fault. You are the only one responsible for that. You have ALLOWED yourself to be subject to someone elses control.

Let me clarify this further more. People come to me all the time for advice on their relationships, career choices, life choices and so on, (I really should have went to school to become a therapist ha!) and I hear the same things over and over about feeling controlled, helpless, powerless, un-able to make a decision that betters that person’s life. WHY!? Why are you so afraid to do what is best for YOU! Don’t you get it! In this life, we will encounter MANY people, good and bad. Many lovers, many heart breaks, many exciting moments, many hard to breath moments and they all make up the tapestry of your life. There is never a moment in YOUR life in which you have no say. YOU ALWAYS HAVE A SAY IN YOUR LIFE. That is power. Hold that and feel it in your “plums” as Will Ferrel said in East Bound & Down. Grab your nuts boys and girls. Your beautiful, your powerful, you have the ability to change not only YOUR world, but THE world as it is surely rotating and changing with or without you.

We are all the framework of a much bigger picture. A machine with many nuts and bolts. Our job in this life is not a self-serving mission. Sure, we all want nice things, the home, the car the husband/wife, some money in the bank and guess what…. get your paper boo boo (Katt Williams) but do not forget that in this life. The more you help others, the more you help yourself. The machine does not work if the oil is not in it. The pistons will over heat and shoot through the engine block and BAM! No one wins, nothing runs right. HARMONY comes into play here and leading by example. When your able to walk in harmony with yourself and others around you it is infectious. It inspires others to live a life more like yours. It makes people want to help you walk longer in harmony and you will find more and more people laying down the harmony carpet at your feet. You will realize that a lot of these things we deem and call important are really not important at all. I have spent some serious time in the jungle and I have learned that your car, your money, and your ego no longer exist when you are stripped of even simple things like being able to look at yourself in a mirror and reflect on how you look or feel that day. I know what its like to be alone with your thoughts when there isn’t a computer to eat up 6 hours of my day on Facebook or an iPod to play music and create any sound diversion to what is really going on in my mind. Your mind is damn powerful and when you can shut everything down and eliminate all the sounds that are distracting your eternal clarity of YOU and what you need to get to the next place as a person, you will come to a higher realization that CHANGE is ok and your mind sometimes needs you as a buddy to go over things and re-evaluate who you are in correlation with your body. WHO AM I? Am I Danny? Is that all I am? Am I a sum of all parts or am I a part of a much bigger sum?

I can keep going but I will save that for the book. I encourage you all to sit back and find some quiet time to reflect on your life. Think about what has been coming IN & OUT of your emotional, mental, physical and even financial sphere the last month or last 6 months. Ask yourself… How do I feel about the last 6 months of my life? Am I proud of what I have accomplished or done? Can I better myself on all those fronts? Can I better others around me by living as a quality example? How can I become a quality example for people to reflect their own lives upon? How can I create harmony within my life and others around me? Are there people who I need to re-evaluate their presence in my life?

That is a good start to breaking the traditions you have come to accept out of comfort. I promise you, nothing happens overnight but with pure dedication to your soul and mind, you will notice not only a difference in your outlook, but you will be blown away by the new types of people you attract into your life. Never forget who you are, and your value, always remember that time is short, and at any moment your cards could be up. Make the most of life, make the most of YOU.

*if this was helpful to you, please leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts and if you wouldn’t mind, please SHARE this on your social media sites (Facebook, twitter etc) by clicking the link below…thanks guys*

Life in a Fish Bowl

I just got back from Vegas for this big convention and if you have ever been to the top of Mandalay Bay, overlooking the Las Vegas strip, it really puts alot of things into perspective.

Furthermore, I came home to our pets who have missed us the past few days and imagined what it will be one day when I am a father and I dont have the luxury of taking off for a few or a month whenever I feel like it.

I walked up to my fish tank and they all swam to the edge of the glass like they always do to greet me and be fed. I started to think of their dependence on me for a food source. Since they are enclosed in this 60+ gallon tank, and there are no natural food sources in their ecosystem, they depend on me to change filters, water change and feed them. I started to think a little deeper about how I actually feel guilty having certain creatures for pets. Turtle and Fish etc. I know not many people do, but the adventurous spirit in me loves all creatures and in that light, sometimes wishes these creatures had the same free will that I am blessed with.

It got me thinking, as I often do, about my faith in god, but also my understanding of the world and my boyish curiosity of the things like aliens, dinosaurs, outer space and more.

I thought about the fish inside the tank and the fact that because of the circumstance they are born into (being born in a tank, living out their life in a tank) they have absolutely no idea of places like rivers and streams, and of other species. They live their life day to day, im sure content, (if fish can be content?) just swimming around in the only world they know. They are looking out at us, im sure wondering “what we are? – what else could be out there?” If fish even do that. Who knows? They could be dumb as rocks, but they seem intelligent enough to me to have some concept of thought.

It made me think about outer space and how essentially… we live on the planet earth. The planet earth is ONE PLANET in a massive galaxy that we have no idea where it starts or even ends. We are truly living our lives in a big fishbowl. That led me to think about one of my favorite songs by Pink Floyd where he sings “were just two lost souls living in a fishbowl, year after year”.

I think were all at the beginning; lost souls swimming around in our fishbowl looking out, some of us actually wondering what else is out there, wishing on stars, having faith in the unknown and seeking desperately to find out who we truly are before our time runs out, and in the end… we never really know how, or when and sometimes why its our time. Life is just this flowing ebb & tide bringing new things in and taking elements of life back out to sea (metaphorically speaking). Sometimes the things in life that get taken from you, happen for a reason. They wake you up, to establish your gratitude for what you have, to humble you and prep you for when your ready mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually to have certain things. Sometimes those things come back when your ready and sometimes they leave you lingering, waiting and wondering and hoping for them to come back, but they never do.

I guess im rambling but I think the main point im trying to make here is to never forget that there is a big world out there. Dont be afraid to look past the glass and jump of your fish bowl every now and then. I think you might be surprised at the things you discover out there and more important, the things you discover within yourself.

– Danny

Life: The Journey…

 

The Journey of a Million Miles Starts with One Step…

I was asked recently “Why are you so talented and good at life”

It got me thinking. “I dont know whether to take this as a compliment or wonder how this person could believe that this is just how some people are. Like, we come out of the womb and were just good at life. Like we were reading the manual in utero.” haha. Well here is my thoughts and response. I guess a little sentimental because it is after all EASTER. What a wonderful day. Enjoy… and happy easter.

……………………………………………………..

im not good at life. i fail in many areas. I just make it a point to grow from my failures so that I can become a better man for myself and those around me. I look at our lives like this:
We are built and created in sin. We essentially start out innocent and we make choices based on our senses. Some of us are motivated by their hearts, some of us our minds and some of us our bodies. We go thru the process where we all majorly F%&& up and make choices that are not the best not only for us, but they hurt others. As long as we believe in the JOURNEY and not the race, and understand there are NO QUICK FIXES in life, ONLY small calculated decisions that WILL eventually lead us to a place of true happiness and contentment, and lastly that WE WILL GET THERE, then life is going to be ok.

Your loved, your forgiven and your blessed. Dont ever tell yourself your not. You have to have faith, not only in the process of the journey, but in who you are, and who you are DESTINED to become. Trust that all the things you focus on are the things that you will attract in your life. This means that if your focusing on the negative things, you will only attract those things in your life. Sometimes trusting in the process is crawling thru a tunnel of $HIT to come out of the other side to freedom. That is from the movie Shawshank Redemption and thats an analogy that you ARE going to go through rough times, sometimes unbearable times when you feel like you cant have faith or trust in anything. ITS THOSE MOMENTS YOU NEED TO STAND FIRM AND BELIEVE… that everything happens for a reasons and these things are helping to shape and grow you to become an even better person so that you can INSPIRE others to live to their full potentials and bless them with what you have been blessed with.

So friend, i am not good at life. I just believe in the process and because of it, i am blessed to do things that I never ever thought possible.

Thanks for writing in.

This Music Thang…

So I have had a crazy year. For those of you who know me and follow me on Twitter & Facebook you have been with me every step of the way. For those of you who dont know me that well, or your curious about where I have been in the last year, Ill take you back a few years to just understand the foundation of this all.

I got on a plane this morning very early heading to Seattle where I am writing you all from. The reason Im writing is because in my heart, I have been blessed to be a musician and do this passion as a career since 2004 and I havent “worked” a normal job since. I remember how it felt when I signed our record deal, set out on our first tour, got the first real opportunity to sit in a real studio with a real producer.

Alot went down from the time of 2004-2009. The rough break down of it all. We all quit our jobs and began to do National Product as a full career. Touring 9 months out of the year, working towards a record deal, a manager, an agent, a lawyer. Many events unfolded for me that really affected me as a person. My grandparents were passing away right before my eyes while I was on tour, and it was heartbreaking. My brother was in a suicide bombing in Iraq that left our family in a limbo of whether he would live or not. I left and sat in a hospital for a week in Washington DC with amputees and victims of war all around me. Waiting for the medical plane to bring my brother. It never did. I left back to California and my brother was instead flown to Louisiana for the brain trauma unit out there.

I felt like this thing that I loved sooooo much, was taking me away from the people I love so much. It was making it impossible for me to have a real relationship with a girl. A real relationship with my family. I was unable to be the uncle, brother, son, grandson I was born to be.

In that time, our band was building fast, things were growing rapidly. We were the first unsigned band on myspace with over 1,000,000 plays and that was a big deal back then. We were getting tours all over from Mexico to Alaska and labels were paying attention. We went thru a bass player change right as our record deal was being put in our face and it was confusing. How do good things keep happening and then devastating things follow.

Well, here we were. We had a lawyer, a manager, a record deal, a check waiting for us to cash, and we were ready to take on the world, and take on the world we did. Our song LOVE ME went to #1 on the radio. Our video was on Fuse & MTV2 and we had press everywhere from dept stores to radio, to tv and magazines. We were traveling the world with reckless abandon. Japan was a histeria hit for us. We sold alot of records, life was good.

All of these amazing things happening but all at the wrong time. We had been touring non stop and our hearts were heavy, our minds were worn and our spirits drained.

We planned to take 6 months off and get back to things. Then, as we were planning to get back to things, I got a call from our drummer Robby. He had something urgent to tell me. I pulled off the side of the road to find out that one of my best friends, my bandmate and a guy I look up to was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It broke my heart and I started crying because I couldnt understand how this could happen to such a great guy.

It changed the dynamic of our band forever. Touring was something that just wouldnt make sense anymore. Robby NEEDED to be with his family and fight this. We needed to support him and be normal dudes.

I couldnt handle all the pressures and I left the country to help others. I went to Guatemala and hiked into the jungle with a missionary group and loved on people out there. Then I flew to Ukraine with Faceless Int to help out with orphans and I was trying to grasp where I was going, why I felt I needed to help everyone else but me, and what God was calling on my heart to do.

I went home to Hawaii for 2 months because its the one place I can capture my thoughts and really process them. I am humbled there, i am refilled, I am focused.

I then left there and moved to a remote island near Belize & Honduras. This was an INSANE trip, thats another story Ill tell soon.

I realized I needed to come back to California.

I was confused… and I still am.

So I got on this plane this morning and Im sitting in a cute little beach front studio in Seattle. I can see the night lights of the city and I am sitting here processing everything thats happened to me, to you all, to our lives over this last year. The economy, the world, the relationships, the music… everything.

I know I am out here because I started a new project. I needed to rescue myself. I felt and I still feel like I need to rescue the hurting souls out in the world and my music is the only way I know how, besides talking to you all and listening to you. Then there are those of you who dont need to be rescued, you just need another record and I feel its not only my obligation to you all, but its my obligation to God since he blessed me with this ability to make music and in that, I am honored you guys took a liking to what I did and what Im about to do. ITS ALOT OF PRESSURE for me to live up to what you guys deserve from me. Sometimes so much, I get anxiety, i break down and start crying. I am not afraid to admit that these process’ in my life have been so trying on my soul, I have been unable to even cry and say what I truly felt because when your in a whirlwind of publicity, touring, trying to be something, you forget who you were, are and who your supposed to become. It almost puts your life on PAUSE and your stuck in this hurricane that moves everything around you, but YOU.

So… April of 09. I flew to Hawaii with some close friends. We wrote 3 songs. There are only 3 of us doing this right now. We had some labels and producers tell us, that our demos “had it” and had “hits”. I think all that is such BS. I dont write music for that reason, and when people tell me that, i realize that they arent looking at the actual substance of the song, just the potential it has for making money. Money is nice, im not gonna tell you Im not pumped for the potential to make money, but that is and will always be secondary to creating something that you will listen to for the rest of your life and get something from.

So, we pushed over the process of this year to write more. We wrote 18 songs. We flew to Chicago and started writing and demoing material with my very close friend and amazing producer Carlos Villalobos.

I had a dream with this. I want to incorporate all the producers whom I love, who love the art of music and arent jaded. I want to do it all over the US and I want to do a 6-7 song EP and I want to do it right. Im saying this because this may be the last thing I ever do.

I got on a plane this morning knowing that. Its a hard feeling to know you loved something so much with all your heart, and I still do. I just dont know how much longer I can give all of myself to everyone but myself and my close family and loved ones. I honestly dont know what any of this means. I think this record will be put out by God grace and he will determine, and you will help determine whether more comes after this.

I am excited to lay these songs down. They mean so much to me and my soul. I have a few that wont make this record that I need to record somehow, someday because it just needs to be done. Maybe that will be my last deal? I dont know.

I know that for once in my life. I am unprepared. Im scared. Im not sure what will come of all this. I am at step 1 all over again and im humbled. Most of all im blessed. I realize more than ever, if anything were to happen with this new record in a big way, im more ready in my unpreparedness then I have ever been. I wasnt ready with NP. I was immature, i was forcing things, I was confused more than I am now.

I know this all sounds hypocritical but in all of my confusion, I am clear. I know what I dont want, and that I think, is the first steps into knowing what I will accept when it comes.

Thank all of you for everything.

143

Ok, today is a better time now, than ever to let you know whats going on in my life in a weird super natural way.

I still have to write my blog about my Kalalau trip and all the supernatural things that took place out there, but this is a post to that in the sense that its all starting to make sense and come together however the 143 thing has been with me my entire life.

The Start…

When I was young child I started to notice that every time I looked at a clock, watch, odometer or anything that had digital time on it, I would almost ALWAYS see it. I was starting to really trip me out and up until last summer none of it made sense so I just took it as a “143 means (I love you) so its just a constant reminder that Im always loved or thought of”… you know, the little things that make the big differences in life.

Well…

I went to Kalalau in the jungle and met a guy who lived in the jungle and he started to blow my mind and explain things to me on a very real foundational simplified level on what people think are just “odd circumstances” and “strange coincidences” and I learned more than ever that nothing in life is a coincidence. Fate is a crazy thing and being able to read and understand signs in your life is a huge advantage in knowing that you are indeed on the right path.

As i started to understand more and more that the things I was putting out into the universe were all happening for me, I started to see more and more of these “signs” if you will that my life was on a path that was aligning with the things that god wanted for me, the universe, and me for me. As i started to eliminate all the things that were holding me back from my path and I started accepting my path and stopped resisting it so much, everything started to unfold in rapid succession as it is even more so today.

All of my other blogs that are coming and will be linked here (Kalalau, Ukraine, Guanaja) will help alot of this make sense but for now. I want to show you something that you cant make up…

I have been writing and traveling to get this new record done and when I set it in stone that I wasnt going to procrastinate anything any longer and just keep moving forward with it I really started to make itself scarily apparent. I would wake up, its 143, i would go to bed its 143, the signs on the road 143, the odometer 143, my phone 143 all just too much.

So…

Im in bed, and 143 pops up on right before im headed to the airport. I land, grab my bags, look down at my phone and it says… 143. I get picked up and start to tell my buddy about this really strange phenomenon happening in my life and he is like “yeah man thats crazy I wonder what it means” Well… We go to bed that night and I wake up the next morning to start tracking and…

Woke up to this...

Then… we start tracking and spend all day knocking out this song and making sure its as rocking as possible. We get offered to go enjoy a dinner at this spanish italian place called Barcelona, which by the way, has THE BEST food ever! When we pulled up, we threw all the quarters we had on us in the meter and…

The Meter

We hang out with this acter named Carmine and he out of nowhere is like “im gonna pay for everything, its all on me, i got a new big film coming out and I wanna take the tab” We were like… wow, this guy is very generous and awesome. So, my buddy at diner starts to tell Carmine “hey man, you need to hear this crazy thing thats happening to Danny… hes got the 143 number popping up everywhere and he cant make sense of it”, so I start to show everyone at the table all this snapshots I took of everytime I see this number sequence. Everyone at the table starts their own theories…”1+4+3=8 and 8 is the infinity sign” and many things of this sort.

The waiter comes up after our AMAZING dinner and hands us our bill and I just hear Carlos gasp and point at the bill and…

The Bill

Everyone at our table is looking at me like “WTF, this is SCARY, like seriously some David Copperfield type ish!” and I am pretty blown away as well. Never in one day have I experienced this many 143’s in succession. Carmines arms are covered in goosebumps and he is like “man this is really crazy, i cant even think straight” and I assure him that I have been dealing with this my whole life and nothing but amazing blessed things have followed even tho my life has been one that also had some really sad and unfortunate things that came as well, much like anyone i think.

We finish up our drinks and everyone walks away mind blown. We had to get back to the house for some finishing touches on the song So we walk in the house, get down into the studio, flip on the monitor and start running the tracks to hear it from the start. As im listening to the track I look down and Oh My God! The track is exactly 143 measures!!!! Look at this below…

Song Track Measures

Lastly… im laying in bed and playing Monopoly on my iPhone and sure enough…

Monopo143

I honestly dont know what the heck is going on… Its really crazy. If you have any thoughts or ideas, or whatever. I would sincerely appreciate it. All I know, is that is HAS to be a good thing because in the last month that this has all been coming in rapid succession I have got 2 offered for reality shows, a major business venture in China, 3 major producers on board to do this new record without a record deal! I dont know whats happening but whatever it is, its really good and as long as I keep seeing it… then life is going right on path!

Below are a FEW of the snapshots ive saved…

A Few Snapshots...

For more… https://dannycasler.wordpress.com/2009/11/03/what-will-you-leave-behind/